Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
•less stressful and safer than driving in traffic
•cheaper than driving
•I can read, "relax", listen to music, eaves drop (some young 18-year-old Surrey construction workers talking about what drugs they did yesterday and what drugs they'll do today and fears of being fired. And just today in fact was a schizophrenic talk-out-loud kook who had many enjoyable things to talk and laugh about--as he exited he said to everyone "Smile! You're on TV!")
•environmentally more friendly
•looking at hot girls
•sick people coughing (I make it a point to not touch anything on board with bare hands)
•when it breaks down (rarely) it sucks
•missing your scheduled bus sucks
•dealing with assholes
Monday night was a great example of a bad day. On my home from work, the Skytrain was packed. I'll let a train go and wait for another in the chances that it's less packed but last night it wasn't happening so I got crammed in. I got a backpack to the face, someone's arm got hooked into my headphone cables and yanked my phones off, and someone let one rip. When I got off at my station I went and stood in line for the bus which was on schedule any minute. We boarded and as I approached the back of the bus I saw my ENEMY: A retarded Asian fellow.
Here's the deal. About a year ago, I noticed that every once in a while I'd see this retarded man on the bus. He always took the back bench, sprawling out to take over three seats. No biggie. I can handle that as long as it's not busy and no elderly person needs the seat (they never come to the back of the bus anyways). He sits quietly, occasionally saying something out loud nodding his head to his headphones of his DiscMan (I'd love to know what he listens to). A few trips with this fellow and I realize that he's a snorter. He snorts so loud that the first time, I actually thought it was perhaps hydraulic pressure being released from the bus itself. Started to get kinda annoying. One day, coming home from work, he's sitting there when he suddenly blurts out, and this is no lie, "DAHHHH! Oh, fuck! I shit my pants!" And he stood up and tried to fix himself as best he could. I can handle that kind of stuff from a distance, and kinda relish the fact that I witnessed this but am too cold and inconsiderate to help the poor chap. What would I be able to do anyway? I'm sure someone out there would have a good solution to this kind of situation but not me. I just kinda grin inside. I know that sounds harsh but I've had the same thing happen to me so I've earned the right to enjoy this man's sudden and unexpected pants-shitting.
A while later, my son and I took a bus to the Skytrain to catch a movie and there he is; sprawled over three seats on the back bench: his ass in the middle seat, his legs across the window seat and his hand on his left "reserving" the third seat. There's one empty seat next to the "reserved" seat so I figure, he'll move his hand and we'll both be able to sit. As I guide Kai to the "reserved" seat I quickly realize that Gretzkeee isn't going to move his hand and I quickly usher Kai into the empty seat. Gretzkeee looks at me with a look that says "Nothin' you can do about it, fuck-face: I'm Gretzkeee." It creeps me out to think that my son's ass was this close to sitting on this man's hand. So I decided at that point that I really didn't like this guy and I didn't care that he was retarded. He was going to be my enemy.
Last night was the icing on the cake that took my level of dislike of this man to a higher level. After being crammed uncomfortably in this sweltering Skytrain car I cheerfully hopped almost immediately onto my connector bus. I saw my enemy sprawled out in his usual seats. His DiscMan now reserving in the third seat, his backpack taking the window seat. A very tall, very friendly looking African man came loping to the back and tried to take the seat next to the DiscMan, but due to circumstances of another man's circumference, it was but half a seat. The friendly tall man looked to Gretzkeee with a look like "excuse me please" and gestured to the DiscMan. Gretzkeee ignored him though was fully aware of his situation. Mr. Friendly then takes the DiscMan and considerately pushes it towards Gretzkeee who pushes it back with a loud "Hmphhh!" Mr. Friendly then picks up the DiscMan and hands it to my enemy who then pushes the man's hand, grabs the DiscMan and shoves it back onto the seat muttering "Fuckin' Christ!" At this point I finally say my first words to my enemy "Give the man the fucking seat. You've got plenty of room." Gretzkeee throws daggers, knives and torches my way with his eyes and yells "FUCK YOU" and then stammers and huffs and puffs in anger as he rearranges his seating arrangements. Occasionally he'd stare at me, throwing more javelins into my eyes and shaking his head in complete disgust, nodding his head more furiously to the music as though it was now playing something really heavy and aggressive, like Bon Jovi or Cinderella or maybe even Warrant. Somewhere along the ride his backpack fell to the floor and he chose to ignore this opting instead to look at me as if this was all my fault.
My bus ride is really only 5-minutes (I usually opt to walk if it's not there) so I don't have to share it with him for long and when I got off and walked past where he was sitting, again he was looking at me as if he wanted to kill me so I did the only thing that came to my head: I stared directly into his eyes, pointed at him very sternly as if poking him and said, yeah, that's right, "YOU!" Of course a million other ideas popped into my head as the bus drove my enemy safely away from me.
This morning, as luck would have it, Gretzkeee was on the bus and he and I gave each other the evil eyes.
Today Martin Jet Packs (hope their jet packs are faster than their site's load time) officially unveiled its "affordable" jet pack. They're asking a cool one-hundred grand. Here's an article from the New York Times which includes some video.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Nothing more creepy than a pig with a really weird primate face!
Curious locals flocked to the home of owner Feng Changlin after news of the piglet spread in Fengzhang village, Xiping township.
“It’s hideous. No one will be willing to buy it, and it scares the family to even look at it!” Feng told Oriental Today.
He says the piglet looks just like a monkey, with two thin lips, a small nose and two big eyes. Its rear legs are also much longer than its forelegs, causing it to jump instead of walk.
Feng’s wife said the monkey-faced piglet was one of five newborns of a sow which the family had raised for nine years.
“My God, it was so scary. I didn’t known what it was. I was really frightened,” she said.
“But our son likes to play with it, and he stopped us from getting rid of it. He even feeds it milk.”
Neighbours have suggested the couple keep the piglet to see how it looks as it matures.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
We didn't really know where to start but whatever our starting point was, it turned out to be a solid choice because we found it within 5 minutes. In one of the allies (can't remember where) there as a junkie sitting in front of a green door. My memory's a little fuzzy but it was either unmarked or there may have been its name on the door in Sharpie or those gold square decals you see on the back of truck windows boasting the owner's CB handle.
We said "excuse us" to our junkie and she moved aside and in we went. I believe we were greeted warmly and the place was small. We were the only customers. We sat down, ordered a beer and food (we didn't bring our own booze) and soon enough our food came and it wasn't very good. We genuinely felt like the place probably wasn't too concerned about health codes and practices.
While there, we noticed on one of the walls was a number of framed autographed 8x10's of various actors and performers. There wasn't one single actor that we recognized but two did stand out: The Checkerboard Guy and Toothpick The Clown (his site doesn't seem to be properly internetted).
We finished up and left and have never returned. I don't even know if it's still around. A few years after, perhaps it was around 1997 or so, I was in Kamloops, BC and I was in the mall. The mall was having a big side-walk "salebration!" and as I was passing through, I heard some cheering and applause and then saw a number of kids erupt from behind a make-shift performance set/stage; some kind of kid's show had just finished. As I passed the set I saw that it was none-other than my good friend Toothpick The Clown! He was packing some stuff back into a chest and he looked up and saw me staring at him so I kept walking, kind of embarrassed that I was staring at him. When I got about 40 feet from the clown I turned and yelled, "HEY TOOTHPICK!" He looked up. "I'LL SEE YOU AT THE GREEN DOOR!" and then I just kept walking. From behind I could hear him yelling; almost mad, "HOW DO YOU KNOW!? Hey! HEY COME BACK HERE! HOW DO YOU KNOW!!!!" But I just kept walking, leaving the clown with a mystery: How did that guy with the crazy, muppety nose know I went to the Green Door? Now...to track down The Checkerboard Guy!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Dr. Ed Mitchell, the 6th human to walk on the surface of Moon recently admitted on a radio interview that the Roswell crash was real and that Earth has been visited for at least 60 years. He tells the interviewer that he's been privvy to classified information regarding the matter; that the governments around the world are starting to disclose more and more information about alien visitations, that they are not a threat (or we'd be dead by now) and that they look the way you think they look. More here!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Tons of low-brow artists took their take on the infamous Vader mask for a show which took place July 19-21, 2008 at Star Wars Celebration Japan — at Makuhari-Messe in Chiba just outside Tokyo to celebrate the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars. Click here for more photos.
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Monday, July 21, 2008
A leopard takes down a crocodile! Check out more here and a "video" of the photos here!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Here's the official Watchmen trailer and it looks pretty damn slick (the music for the first part is less than cool though). Dr. Manhattan looks pretty sweet. Watch the Youtube version below or click here for a more hi-res version...
For some reason I like helmets. I don't have a motorcycle or skidoo or jet-fighter but I love helmets. Les Ateliers Ruby in Paris, France that makes really nice helmets.
The only thing missing from this one is a white stripe down the middle and a red-sparkled maple leaf.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
This installation (one of 125 exhibits) at the new BMW Museum in Munich, Germany uses 714 metal balls, all suspended by barely visible strings. I'm not exactly sure what's driving the design pattern but it's pretty hypnotizing. WARNING: The music is absolutely atrocious. I can't think of worse music. I'd sit for hours listening to Black Metal through a pair of shitty speakers than listen to the crap they've chosen to present their movie with. This "down-tempo" jazzy shit that you hear at upscale trendy restaurants has got to go! You know what I'm talking about De-Phazz, Tosca and St. Germain!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Hatchet!! Do you have any of these already?!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Check out how awesome the Dept. of Homeland Security is becoming! They're actually toying with the idea of having passengers wear these Electro Muscular Disruptors which everyone on board would have to wear to check on and off of flights. Get a little unruly and you could be convulsing into submission.
I have no desire to pay a lot of money to become an airline prisoner for a few hours. Check out the Washington Times article here
and the makers of the device's promotional video here
Fuck you Dept. of Homeland Security!
Here's a blurb from the manufacturer's site to help clear up some misinformation:
The bracelets remain inactive until a hijacking situation has been identified. At such time a designated crew member will activate the bracelets making them capable of delivering the punitive measure - but only to those that need to be restrained. We believe that all passengers will welcome deliverance from a hijacking, as will the families, carriers, insurance providers etc. The F-16 on the wingtip is not to reassure the passengers during a hijacking but rather to shoot them down. Besides activation using the grid screen, the steward / stewardess will have a laser activator that can activate any bracelet as needed by simply pointing the laser at the bracelet - that laser dot only needs to be within 10 inches of the bracelet to activate it.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
I've got a couple of pieces of art showing at a big group show in Gastown on Saturday July 12th. This show's theme is album cover art and I'll be showing with a whole shwack of talented people. Click on the image above for all the details and I hope to see y'all there.
I am with much delight and pent-up rage that The Goon, my favourite comic, is going to be a CG animated feature! Delighted that it's got Fincher at the helm and that it's going to be CGI. Irked to my core because about 6 years ago, I had approached my superiors at Mainframe to tell them that the rights to this comic may be available and that we should acquire them if they were. My "superiors" said, "Naaaa...I don't know...it doesn't look like it's something that people would like." "Are you kidding me?! It's got zombies, car chases, fighting, giant monsters, humour out the ying-yang! What's there not to like!?! Get the rights!! You missed your chance at getting the Hellboy rights! GET THE GOON!" To their credit they did look into the options and they were available but they still said "Naaaa. No one would like it."
At that time, Darkhorse was allowing some Australian-based rendering software company (some off-shoot of Renderman) to use The Goon's likeness for a bunch of tests they were doing. They weren't producing anything for broadcast; just testing their new rendering software.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
A friend sent me this newspaper clipping recently and what's funny is that I'm thankful for the same things. I look some mutant-like praying mantis/alien Glekktod from the Inner 8th Dimension. Tim Young and Adam Corbett would eventually become my mind-slaves and then dinner and dessert (respectively).