SPACE COPS!!!!!!!

The year is 2186. Cops and bad guys use lasers in a world gone laser-crazy. A bad guy has a laser-sword(trademark) and there's only one space-cop who can save him: SPACE COP!

I went to film school at a crappy college in Ontario. One fellow student, John Benedikty, fancied himself "the next George Lucas" (why he'd want to emulate GL I have no idea), and started filming things on his own using super-8 film including this classic, SPACE COPS. Watch this film. It has everything anyone would want in a film. While watching, please take special note in the amazing special fx! Mr. Benedikty hand scratched, frame by frame, every effect you see here; the laser gun blasts and the laser-swords(trademark) by scatching the emulsion and painting each frame of film by hand, just like George Lucas did for Star Wars. Go get yourself some popcorn, sit back and let Eagal Productions take you to another galaxy which is very, very far away...

SPACE COPS!!!
1 kabillion apologies for the quality of the footage. It is a super-8 transfer
to 1/2" video which has then been transferred to video a number of
times and now digitized and compressed.

Mr. Benedikty says, in the credits, that the soundtrack is unavailable. DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE! I'm sure someone has a SPACE COPS soundtrack bit torrent somewhere.

MONKEY DISCOVERS PORTAL?

I received a disturbing email from Andrew Duncan, the Dirty Little Kid (aka Monkey) recently. Here's what he wrote:

5 words all baby's [sic] say:
Neh = hungry
Owh = sleepy
Heh = discomfort
Eair = lower gas
Eh = burp

Oops, that's another email from him. This is the disturbing email I meant to transcribe:

"Checking out google earth and what do I see two blocks from my house? I don't fucking know...what this is..?"

He then attached the following Google Earth pictures:


I promptly asked Andrew for some follow-up investigating. "GET DOWN TO THAT SITE IMMEDIATELY BEFORE WE ESPLODE! I wanna know everything! What it is. What it wants! I wanna know if it has a favourite colour! Is it friendly? Does it have any connections to terrorist groups?!? Is it a time warp? FIND OUT NOW DAMMIT!"

Andrew, being the amazing Halfsquatch reporter he is, took the coordinates and made his way to the anomalous site and came back with the following shocking photographs:

Our ace reporter writes: "Here is more evidence, I forgot to get the street address...I think it might have something to do with the Satellite TV dish, it's on the right corner...?"

I'm not sure if it is on the right corner or not. It may be on the wrong corner but Halfsquatch will be monitoring this location day and night from now on and will bring you exclusive up-to-the-minute reportaging on this strange phenomenon. WE ARE ON IT FOR YOU!

CAN WE TALK OLIVES FOR A MINUTE?

I'm not a HUGE olive fan like David Cassidy is well known for, but I do enjoy an olive or two, here and there. One day, the maid brought us some groceries and there were these packages of olives. I opened one of the packages and WHAM! The best god damn olives I've ever eaten. A friend of mine, Heisenberg, was over and he popped one into his mouth and said "Hey, these are really good olives." If you're as huge an olive fan as David Cassidy, then you are going to go banuclear over Crespo's Pitted Green Olives. GO GET 'EM!

David Cassidy sits on his corvette, day-dreaming of olives

STRAPPING YOUNG LAD

Last century, Craig McEwen and I were commissioned to create a music video for STRAPPING YOUNG LAD's single "Detox." We shot this in a crappy warehouse in New Westminster. The drummer for SYL is Gene Hoglan and while setting up for the video and I was putting Gene's drum kit together when John Dryden, our DOP, came up to me and said "You should put some Brasso on those [cymbals]. It'll shine 'em up real good. I saw some [cymbals] shined up real nice on another music video and they used Brasso. Go get some Brasso or you're an idiot." I took his advice because he said he had used Brasso on the cymbals for Sex With Nixon's "Sally's Ride" music video and they did shine nicely, so I went and got some Brasso. Just after applying a coat of Brasso to each cymbal, Gene comes into the "studio" and inspects his drum kit. He sees me buffing the cymbals and asks, "What are you using? What's this white shit?" I tell him "Brasso." He says to me "Tell me you're joking." Keep in mind that the man is a very HUGE intimidating man with a skull-capped cane and a drummer for the death metal bands "Death", "Dark Angel" and even drummed for "Slayer." I say "No, I'm not joking...err..." He shook his head and said that I had just ruined his cymbals. That felt really good. Afterwards, John Dryden came up to me and said "Uhhh, yeah, maybe it was something else we used."

SPY TV ZOMBIE ATTACK

I remember seeing this when it aired and thought that it was one of the best video pranks ever pulled. It still holds up pretty good!

GRADE 12 GANGLORDS GROWS!

1. Get out your grade 12 year book!
2. Scan your picture!
3. Send me your jpg (johnnydarrell@shaw.ca) along with the name of your school, its whereabouts and the year.
4. Bookmark this page and keep checking in on it to see how the gr.12 gang grows!!!

Look who's already joined the club and is ready to kick some serious grade 9 butt!!!


What a formidable roster! I can't wait to see who else has THE GUTS! to join The Grade 12's.
I look forward to seeing John Dryden's logo design for this BRUTAL gang of ours.

"MAGIC" GRILLED CHEESE

Can we talk grilled cheese sangwiches for a moment? If you're anything like me, then you love grilled cheese sangwiches. I'm really into eating them. I'm into making them, and I'm into eating them. Kamala is always saying to me, "Hey guy, can you slap a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches on the pan for Kai and I?" and then Kai runs around in circles in anticipation for one of my sangwiches yelling "Can you make mine a magic inside-out?" That's right. MAGIC. INSIDE- OUT. Now a magician never gives away his trick but I'm not a magician. This is a magician:


So now that we know that I'm not a magician of any sort, I will reveal my MAGIC INSIDE OUT GRILLED CHEESE SANGWICH directions.

1. Take two slabs of bread. Butter one side of each slice.
2. Make some thin slices of cheddar (DO NOT USE PROCESS CHEESE FOOD) and put them aside.
3. Grill the buttered side of both slabs of bread at the same time until they are golden brown.
4. Take the grilled bread out of the pan and put them onto a plate, grilled side facing up.
5. Immediately put the cheese onto the hot grilled bread and put the other piece of bread, grilled side down onto the cheese.
6. Let sit for a moment so that the cheese melts.
7. Eat your Magic Inside-Out grilled cheese sangwich.

You might say "uhhhh..." and what I say to that is this:

1. Your fingers don't get greasy.
2. The bread's outer layer is soft and steamed with a crispy centre.

Kai said to me "It's like biting into a cloud and then eating an angel!" Now I tell you, it doesn't get any more magical than that...unless that angel was riding a winged unicorn.

Your typical, traditional, run-of-the-mill
grilled cheese sangwich served barbarian-style.

Halfsquatch's dignified, refined and
classier version of the same sangwich.

UNCLE MARK'S 2007 GIFT GUIDE & ALMANAC

Each year "Uncle Mark" releases a guide which reviews all the major consumer technology products and gives his ONE favorite pick in each category... not the "17 top digital cameras", but the ONE camera that you should buy. I may not agree with everything mentioned in here and you might not either, but if you're looking for an x-mas gift and don't really know what which of what to get, maybe Uncle Mark can make your shopping easier. It's a free PDF download so check it out!

click image!

NEW SASQUATCH BOOK

FINALLY! A complete study on the subject by an actual scientist with substantial credentials!!!! There are lots of good sasquatch books out there, but most are written by enthusiasts with little scientific background. Written by Dr. Jeff Meldrum (Associate Professor of Anatomy and Anthropology at Idaho State University), this book "takes an objective look at the facts in a field mined with hoaxes and sensationalism. Meldrum reports on the work of a team of experts from a wide variety of fields who were assembled to examine the evidence for a large, yet undiscovered, North American primate. He reviews the long history of this mystery--which long predates the "bigfoot" flap of the late fifties--and explains all the scientific pros and cons in a clear and accessible style, amplified by over 150 illustrations. Anyone who has pondered the mysteries of human evolution will be fascinated and eager to join Dr. Meldrum in drawing their own conclusion."



"Jeff Meldrum's book 'Sasquatch: Legend Meets Science' brings a much needed level of scientific analysis to the Sasquatch - or Bigfoot - debate. Does Sasquatch exist? There are countless people - especially indigenous people - in different parts of America who claim to have seen such a creature. And in many parts of the world I meet those who, in a matter-of-fact way, tell me of their encounters with large, bipedal, tail-less hominids. I think I have read every article and every book about these creatures, and while most scientists are not satisfied with existing evidence, I have an open mind." -- Dr. Jane Goodall

ANIMISM & THE ART OF LEO LABELLE

In 2001 I produced, directed, shot and edited a 20-minute documentary about an surrealist artist from Agassi, BC. This documentary takes a look at a man who raced hot rods in the 60's, paints and sculpts surrealistic, "trippy" art, has psychic visions, has been abducted by aliens, will NOT disrespect slugs, and tries to figure out why the universe planned to have his one pet ferret go missing one-year-to-the-day-later after his most beloved pet ferret drowned.

Here is the opening sequence to the documentary...

click on poster for Quicktime (04:00 - 9 mb)

Special thanks to Greg Richardson for some excellent additional camera work and Andrew Duncan for overall assistance and gumption on the main shoot.