ENHANCE!

WITHOUT YOU BY MARK GORMLEY

Mark Gormley is by far one of the most incredible song-writers of the 21st century. His song "Little Wings" is perhaps only second to The Beatles "The Day In The Life" so when a friend sent me a link to Gormley's latest track "Without You" I instantly puked in my pants with excitement. Enjoy the intensity of not only the song but the video too. And be sure to check out his other tracks! They're all INTENSE!!

HAPPY IN PARAGUAY

For the 800th Halfsquatch post, I present...(trumpet flare)...

BIZ MARKIE CLEANS UP YOUR iTUNES

HOCKEY PLAYING BEARS

ZOMBIE DRIVER

Not as cool as the Bus Driving game, but looks like it could be a bit of fun if it was an iPhone app. Not sure what platform it's for but probably PC download.

MIND-POWERED PROSTHETIC ARM

Here's a video article from the BBC on the most recent developments on the brain-powered robotic hand.

WEIRD BEARD

I love how much the people freak out! I think I'd maybe nod and smile but to actually freak right out? It's like a real monster walked into the room!

BOY FINDS HIS VERY OWN E.T.

Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.

AWESOME GAME

My friend, who works extensively in the video game industry sent me to this link to a game which is flying under the radar. He writes, "I am amazed this isn't selling as well as Modern Warfare 2" I don't know what platform it's on but I can only assume PS3 or the 360. This and L4D2 are enough incentive for me to finally get either consoles. INCREDIBLE!

HALFSQUATCH HOUSEHOLD TIP #34

Hey gang, every year, at the end of November, Halfsquatch provides a handy-dandy tip! This year's tip:

HOW TO GET RID OF A GOD DAMN STAIN!

Ah, bloody 'ell!

The solution is mad-easy and requires no chemicals, no soap, nuffin'! What is it? Boiling water. Here's what you do:

1. Go and spill something ridiculous on something important and create a god damn stain. It could be your shag rug. Perhaps you're a douchebag and your finest, most-prized Ed Hardy tee has some a nasty orange-pigment around the collar and you just can't get rid of the god damn stain, no matter how much you yell!

2. Quit yer yellin' ya mook and put the shirt in the sink or tub.

3. Boil some boring water!

4. Pour that boiling water on the god damn stain from a bit of a height (more than two feet seems to be the ticket).

5. Watch that god damn stain disappear!

CALL OF DUTY: SECRET SPIELBERG LEVEL UNLOCKED

Call of Duty: Secret Spielberg Level Unlocked - watch more funny videos

JEFF WALL IS AN INSPIRATION!!

You know, after seeing Jeff's work and the success he's had, and taking into consideration a number of comments made to me regarding my thoughts on Jeff Wall (see comments on this post) I thought, you know what? Maybe a bunch of these meat-headed buffoons are right! Maybe I shouldn't just laze about being a bum. Maybe I should get off my fat ass and become the artiste I truly believe myself to be. After all, if Jeff Wall can sell one of his works of art for MILLIONS (not an exaggeration) then so can I!

On my way back from lunch, I imagined myself walking through the world with Jeff's eye and something miraculous happened! I found myself finding art everywhere! There was even a small voice deep inside my right ear saying "YES! YES! That's powerful! Capture it! You ARE an auteur!"

I now present to you my first public showing of 7 masterpieces. I chose 7 as the number of images to present due to the powerful and majestic qualities the number 7 signifies. I think you'll find a number of other symbolic and majestic qualities in each of these images. Enjoy.

Spare Tire Wedged Against Wall In Alley 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

The Bicycle Incident 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

Street Crossers 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

No Exit 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

Wet Wall and Pipe 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

A House Being Built 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

Basketball In Puddle 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

JEFF WALL'S CONCRETE BALL

As you may be aware, I am not a fan of Jeff Wall's work and here is another classic example as to why and it just boggles my mind how he can be so successful.

Concrete ball 2002
Transparency in lightbox 2040 x 2600 mm
Private collection, Basel
Documentary photograph

Here is a quote from Tate Modern on Concrete Ball:
"Based on a found scene, the quietness of Concrete ball reveals Wall's attention to pictorial composition. The concern here is not to represent an event, but rather to depict a generic urban landscape, without specific qualities and devoid of any drama. The perspective is carefully calculated and the central element responds to the curve of the road. The large scale of the work, proportioned to the human body, evokes a sense of immersion in the scene."

Are you fucking kidding me?! This is complete and utter bullshit, void of any artistic merit. If I or any artist or photographer took a photo of this thing, even if it was composed better, and went to a gallery and said, "Hey, would you be interested in what I consider a real work of art?" they'd look at it and laugh in our faces. The only thing going for this is the fact that it has Jeff's name attached to it. A friend of mine said, "My [3-year-old] takes better pictures."

Hit the road, Jack!

OAF - WE GOT OUR FIRST CLIENT!

To whom it may concern,

RE: Ocean Adventure Force

I saw your ad recently placed on Craigslist and was hoping you could help me as I have exhausted all traditional forms of assistance and wasted a lot of time and money trying to use ‘normal’ channels. To most people this will sound strange and maybe even made up, but I’m hoping from your ad that you will firstly believe me, and more importantly be able to help me. So here it is:

On weekends I volunteer at the Vancouver Aquarium where I help translate bubble patterns produced by Pacific Bottlenose dolphins (Tursiops truncate of the Delpinidae genus). Although still in its infancy as a scientific medium and not recognised by any major body I have devoted the last 12 years of my life to creating a language based on the patterns and can now confidently say that I can communicate with the dolphins in a rudimentary fashion. To get to the point; over the past 7 months the dolphins have been getting more and more agitated and expressive so using my patented translating device I have managed to deduce that there is something both very scary but also fantastical about to happen. What this event is, and how it can be linked to the dolphins is something I have yet to discover, however what I do know is that it involves Scallops and a little known (or understood) microbe called Filius Nullius which roughly translates as ‘The Bastard’. This microbe has the ability to enter a creature and alter its genetic structures in such a way that can be either beneficial, or detrimental to the creature involved. However it should be noted that numerous studies into its behaviour show beyond doubt (approximately 98.9% of the time) it is detrimental, hence it got its name.

If you think you can help avert this impending disaster and would like to know more then we should meet sooner rather than later as time is of the essence. Also you should be aware my funds are limited as I have already used up most of my available sources of income (including exhaustive prostitution and medical testing) and my body is now all but spent, however if you are who you say you are then the information you have just seen should kindle the kind of interest that demeans any kind of financial recuperation.

Yours in confidence,

[name not printed for privacy]

OAF - 2ND AD

Well, we got no bites on our first ad yet, but they say persistence gets the early cat to bed in a hand-basket so I thought I'd have a go at another ad. Again, people, please, if you know anyone who may be in need of our unique services, I recommend that you send them our way. It could save their life. Here's the direct link to our ad.

OCEAN ADVENTURE FORCE

My buddy John Dryden and I are working feverishly on our new business and we're hoping to stir up a bit of business by placing an ad in Craigslist. We'll be expanding our ad campaign to various magazines soon such as Forbes and O (which, BTW, this months' issue features Oprah on the cover). Here's the link should you need to send it to anyone who may be in need of our services.

click on image for higher quality

DR. GRORDBORTS'S RIGHTEOUS BISON INDIVISIBLE PARTICLE SMASHER

The fascinating Dr. Grordbort has tantalized our puny minds for years with his incredible infallible aether oscillators. These ray guns, though fantastic, are extremely powerful(they can completely disintegrate a giant monstrousidon in less than 4 seconds) and are far too expensive for my pocketbook. Luckily however, I had the privilege of meeting the good doctor himself in San Diego and there, I had an exclusive hands-on demonstration of his "slave-class" ray-gun.

This gun, though less powerful than the others in the doctor's line of weapons, still commands respect! Thanks to scientific experimentation and years of research and advancements in imitation metals, scientists, engineers and designers have taken Dr. Grordbort's ambitious ideas and adapted and refined them so that you and I could in fact be proud owners of such a luxurious and prestigious item! Little known fact: Dr. Grordbort's personal assistant and ghost-writer Greg Broadmore is a conceptual artist for Weta. One of his designs is the exo-suit in District-9.

Get your Righteous Bison here!

Dr. Grordbort's personal assistant, Greg Broadmore.

LEGO MATRIX

My sons and I have been making a lot of Lego things lately and it's almost the 10th anniversary of The Matrix so take the red pill and check this groovy little Lego video out.

WUW- SIXTH SENSE WEARABLE TECH

Incredible stuff and relatively cheap! Incredibly bad music though...



Here's the TED page with more information.

BEAR NAKED

Some South American bears in a German zoo have developed a condition which made their fur fall off and they've developed some rashes etc. I think they look awesome! Check out those claws!!! "More" info here!

STRANGER DANGER PSA

I wish I saw this a month ago :(

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

TUCKER & DALE vs. EVIL

ZOMBIE KID FOUND

CARDBOARD ANIMATION

REBOOT: PREPARE FOR LET-DOWN

THE CUP OF TEARS

Pretty slick and crazy samurai sci-fi flick!

The Cup of Tears film trailer. Dir. Gary Shore from Gary Shore on Vimeo.

It's an Irish movie made in Slovenia and here's the synopsis:
"Follows a scorned geisha who creates a magical cup made of tears that causes any man who drinks from it to fall into a permanent sleep. One night the cup is stolen, setting off a chain of events that threatens civil war amongst the clans. Taro, a gifted samurai, sets out to find the cup and one who can break the spell."

SKINNY'S OCTOBER WINGS

Here's a little animated clip my buddy Jordy Starling and his friend made for Hallowe'en .

HALLOWE'EN COSTUME AD

Thanks George!

click on image for better resolution

HIRED!

ALI: GREATEST ENTERTAINER

Click above image for a great video!

Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar

MUHAMMAD ALI!

The other night my black cat puked on my lap. I wondered if it was bad luck. Turns out it was good luck because I just saw Muhammad Ali!! I was getting into work a tad late and I heard cheers coming from the Lululemon headquarters (which is just next door). I then heard someone on a microphone asking questions like "What was Muhammad Ali's birth name?" and "Who did he fight in The Rumble In The Jungle?" Knowing that The Greatest is in town I thought, "What are the chances he's here?" So I popped up to Lululemon and saw a little stage with boxing gloves sitting under a chair and a small crowd had gathered behind a velvet rope. I then knew that he'd be coming! After waiting about half-an-hour, he arrived! How fucking incredibly awesome is that?! I was literally 10 feet away from The King! Sorry about the low-quality of these iPhone photos. WHY COULDN'T I HAVE MY NIKON!?

Muhammad Ali is seated on the stage.

PAC-MAN CHART

Thanks Melt!

SNUFF BOX - EMPTY ROOM

Thanks Colin!

CRISS ANGEL -- DICKHEAD

Update: Scott F., (whose brother is a magician) just wrote: "This'll cheer ya! My brother went to see "Believe" and said that it was unbelievably bad. People booed and they had to set up a separate room for folks who wanted their money back. Apparently Angel felt that being a douchebag to the audience wasn't just funny, it was his right."

I don't know what Criss Angel's like in real person, but I can't stand his Mind Freak show. Sometime's I'm captivated and held hostage to the show because it's like a train-wreck. The bullshit camera edits and actors all going "What?!?! Where'd he go?! How'd he do that?!" makes me just vomit all over myself. I usually rewind the trick back to show my 8-year old how the trick was done and most of his stuff is just camera trickery. I'm sure he can do card-tricks and rope-tricks and typical street-magician shit, but digitally removing cables and playing with the camera isn't magic. Take this bullshit for example. This is BRILLIANT!



Look at where the white scratches in the pavement are when he crawls out of the sewer. Then when he goes back to roll it up, you can see them lower in frame which means the camera's just cropped the man-hole out of the shot and someone off-camera placed the poster down. He should have just gone back into the sewer where he came from and belongs.

On a recent episode I saw him doing some magic in front of his Vegas show "Believe" and they had a poster for the show in the background. This poster in fact:

Is it me? Or has he just magically transformed himself into a boner? Here is an illustration I found that is quite magical.

THE KILLERS

Just look at these twats will ya?!

GRANDPA IN MY POCKET

Check out this British CBeebies series called "Grandpa In My Pocket!" It's about a boy whose grandpa has a magical cap that can shrink him and the boy then, yes, carries his grandfather in his pocket. That's the last place I'd put an old man! Be sure to roll over the show's logo in the upper-left corner for a special surprise!

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE SOUNDTRACK

I've been looking forward to this movie for an incredible amount of time. I just got the soundtrack and from listening to it, I think that the film is going to be fantastic. Dave Eggers script, Spike Jonze direction, and now Karen O (of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs) music! Talk about a triple threat! Not to mention that she recruited Bradford Cox (Deer Hunter and his solo project Atlas Sound; two of my favourite bands) and Aaron Hemphill of The Liars!

I've now listened to the album 3 times tonight and it's great! There's a reason why it's by Karen O and "THE KIDS". There's a lot of kids singing backup to many of the songs. This is a kids movie after all, so it's very whimsical, peppy and light in many of the compositions but there's a rough, raw, folk-like quality to it. I'd actually say there are some tracks ("Animal") where it sounds like musicians gobbled a bunch of mushrooms, danced around a fire chanting into night. Almost like a wild rumpus! Karen O also has some heart-wrenching sad ballads scattered within like "Worried Shoes" which tells me there's going to be a lot of emotional heart and sadness in this movie. After listening to this album, I am really intrigued at how these songs will blend with the story and I think we're in for a special experience. I think kids will feel like they've finally been treated to a movie that talks at their level directly instead of talking down to them. I think kids will feel, for the first time in movie history, respected.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that the overall sound of the soundtrack is kinda like "Yeah Yeah Yeahs" meet "Arcade Fire" meet "The Go! Team." Also, Nathan Thomas has sent me this link where the entire album is streamed.

THE GOLDEN SABER

A couple of weeks ago I was presented this award from my client, Mattel. It's called The Golden Saber Award and to be honest, it's really cool! I received it for the work I've been doing as Series Director on the new Cartoon Network series Hot Wheels: Battle Force 5.

The award consists of a "gold"-plated vehicle (The Saber) mounted on a black engraved plexiglass "Battlekey" which is a really great touch (a battlekey is an important object in each episode).

Thanks to everyone at Mattel who put this together! AWESOME!

WINDOWS 7 PARTY!!!! PAARRRRTTAAAYYY!

I don't know about you but I am soooo stoked to host one of these Windows 7 parties!! I have no idea what any of the activities are yet, but I am willing to bet they're a scream! Check this video out because these 4 animals really get my party-soul moving! THESE GUYS ARE A HOOT!



After watching this, I was even more excited because I have no idea what to expect!? This could just be one of the greatest parties I've not only hosted, but ever attended.


UPDATE: I'm a little pissed off actually because while watching this video for the 4rd or 5nd time, I noticed that the clock behind them skips about in time. The video is only 6 minutes but the clock on the microwave behind them seems to span over an hour through-out!? WTF!?! I honestly thought these 4 WACKY folks were improvising and telling me their experiences "on-the-fly", but it seems as though it may have been scripted, and maybe they did a few takes each time? If anyone has any inside scoop on this, it would really help me sleep at night. Are they really friends or just actors!? Either way, they really should start a sit-com together because they're really good together and I found myself in stitches!

THE DEEPENING: SYOA EPISODE

A whole lot a minutes ago, probably millions, the Duncan Brothers released this classic video, THE DEEPENING! Now, the creators of other fantasbo flicks like "OVERDRIFT" and "BURN/N.E.N.E.R." are back with another release of THE DEEPENING, but this time it's a "Select Your Own Adventure" episode where you get to be the captain of this movie. Yes, you get to be the captain. Not me, not them, not your friend, but you! Have yous ever wanted to feel like an big-shot Hollywoods guys or gal? Now's your chance with THE DEEPENING: SYOA!

MICROSOFT'S COURIER

This actually looks pretty cool!

SPIKE JONZE'S EXPLOSIVE SKATEBOARD VIDEO

Unkle - Heaven Remix from We Love You So on Vimeo.

I was just visiting Spike Jonze's website for Where The Wild Things Are and was looking at some of his earlier posts. He had this classic skate video of his up and I watched it again for the 5th. The first time I watched this I was pretty stunned. If you haven't seen it, you're in for a treat. If you have seen it, it's worth watching again.

MONKEY BEACH: THE MOVIE

The live-action script adaptation of the amazing book "Monkey Beach" that Andrew Duncan and myself have been writing is finally seeing the light at the end of a fairly-long tunnel.

The novel is incredible and rich and it's been an honour to have the opportunity to adapt it. I don't believe author Eden Robinson has had an opportunity to read it yet, but I do hope she enjoys it and that we've done her awesome book justice. She herself tried to take a stab at writing the screenplay but gave up because she didn't know how to do it. To be honest, it wasn't easy choosing what stays and what goes as there's so much beautiful material crammed in its mere 388 pages that a 12-part mini-series could be made.

The script has just been pitched to a number of studios and it seems that there's a bit of a buzz! One biggish announcement that Andrew and I just heard was that the casting directors from Twilight and its sequel read the script and have attached themselves to it! There's a little website set up too that just went on-line.

INDYCAR PROMO

There is nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with this promo by BUCK!

AUGMENTED REALITY ZOMBIE GAME

Thanks George!

WORLD'S BIGGEST SNAKE

Not sure if it's really the "world's biggest" but it certainly is mind-blowingly HUUUGE!

FLOOD MAPS

Here's a handy site which helps you know what areas will find themselves submerged underwater during floods and tsunamis and what-have you!

MYSTERY ILLUSTRATION

Hey Halfsquatchers, I was cleaning up the desktop and found this quick illustration I did a while back and was wondering if any of you visitors had any guesses as to what's happening in it. 50 points will be awarded to whoever has the best guess.

EVERY 4th THING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT

I can't wait to watch this!!

TAR BOY

GHANA MOVIE POSTERS

This is the reason why I need to travel the world. To take pictures of these awesome hand-made, one-of-a-kind movie posters. There's got to be a place where a fella like me can purchase these and sell them to you for millions of dollars.

The movie itself, due to the fashion, hair-do's,
music and direction is even more terrifying
than the poster art.

The "heart-shaped 'O'" in T2 subtly reminds

me that there's romance in this movie.

James' face is spot-on as it looks exactly like Roger Moore.
Though it's been a while since I've seen this flick, I don't
remember the fish playing an integral part of the flick.

When I think of frightening dogs, I think of poodles,
golden retrievers, black labs and cockerspaniels. People who
own these types of canines are living with time-bombs with fangs.

This movie is about a preacher who lost his bible
while traveling as a missionary. Seeing as it's god's
work, he decides that it's okay to take a Gideon's bible
from the side-table of his hotel room. Unfortunately,
the bible turns out to be cursed by a witch-doctor and
the missionary turns into a snaked-mouthed skeleton
who needs brains in order to live. Why a skeleton needs
to live is a mystery, but hey, that's what the movie's about.

HITLER RANTS ON DISNEY/MARVEL DEAL

HIGH SPEED ROBOTIC HAND

I'm actually considering chopping off my hand and shoving this onto the nub.

THE GRINCH SPOTTED

Here's The Grinch. He was spotted a few weeks ago by some friends and myself while having lunch on Commercial Drive. Yesterday, he passed us by again and this time I took a picture of him to prove that the Grinch is real. It's hard to see from this iPhone pic, but he has a little swoop-whip hairdo, bushy-whipped eyebrows and the exact stomach paunch (which needs to be seen from profile for best results). BEHOLD! THE GRINCH!!!