USELESS FLIM!!

In 1994 or so, Craig McEwen and I got ourselves jobs as "gutters" for Woodwards. We moved office furniture, equipment, filing cabinets etc from various floors down to an "auction floor" where Woodwards sold whatever they could. While working there, Craig ran up to me, white as a ghost, and uttered these words: "I FOUND THE MEDIA ROOM." He ran off and I immediately followed him up the dead escalators. Through the empty department store we ran, passing the defunct nurse's station/hospital wing until we arrived at a door which read "MEDIA ROOM." Craig lead me inside and there, before our eyes sat shelves of 16mm sound projectors, opaque projectors, over-head projectors, slide projectors, trays and trays of slides, projection screens, cameras, filing cabinets full of 16mm film, and a little box which read "USELESS FLIM." F-L-I-M. Craig and I love "useless flim." We piled everything onto 4 or 5 palettes, and asked our boss what a fair exchange in wages for the collection would be. He told us that he would look into it. Craig and I were willing to part with 2-weeks worth of wages EACH in exchange. A few hours later our boss said, "Gimme 10 bucks each and buy me some beer at the Cambie after work." We accepted of course and made true on our end of the deal. We eventually moved all this gear (and cockroaches) to Craig's parent's basement for storage. For years, a decade pretty much, Craig and I have made little mention of our "treasure trove" but it wasn't until earlier this week that Craig and I had to move the "gold" out of his parents' house and into mine. LOOK AT IT FOR DEAD BABY CHRIST'S SAKE!!!!!

This is just a sample. Here's an old-timey security camera that I am going to hook up to my iPod:


I will soon do a comprehensive cataloguing of this film. They are mostly wierd salesmen training films from the 50's, 60's & 70's and there are some really bizarre titles that intrigue me to no end. Here are just some of the titles:

I am going to have to break open one of the projectors and start digitizing the film. Stay posted because I'll be soon archiving our gold.

BIGFOOT, MY GRADE 1 PROJECT

In grade one, I had to do an assignment where we could do research on anything we wanted. I chose Bigfoot of course. My mother, thankfully, saved pretty much everything I ever did. My scanner is buggered right now so I photographed the pages.

10 out of 10!!! That's 100%!!! Top marks!!!
_______________________________________________________

The bigfoot on the right here is holding a car's motor. This picture was inspired by the Six Million Dollar Man action figure. On the box it showed Steve Austin lifting a motor.
_______________________________________________________


_______________________________________________________

Toni Death. There were neighbours up the road named "Death" but they pronounced it "Deeth."
_______________________________________________________


Here's my skilled rendering of the famous Patterson footage!
_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

My teacher corrected my word "fur" to "footprint" which is wrong. I do remember a story from some TV show (probably Unexplained Mysteries) where a man found little patches of fur stuck to branches on the trees.
_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

This story was "made up." All the characters, the plane, "jeep" and "boat" are from Fischer Price's "Adventure People."
_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

Clearly you can see the differences between the monkey, gorilla and bigfoot. There's no mistaking them!
_______________________________________________________


I remember seeing a picture of what I now know as the "Minnesota Iceman." Sometime in grade 1 I did a science fair project. I took a teddy bear and put it in a box, covered the top with "plastic wrap" and said that it was a bigfoot trapped in ice. I got a "worst place" ribbon.
_______________________________________________________


_______________________________________________________

I remember the billboard clearly. It was huge (maybe 20 feet high?--perspective is weird when you're a kid) and it had bigfoot holding a huge rock up over his head. I really wish my dad took a picture of this sign as the bigfoot in it looked really fucking cool. I think it was at a campground in B.C. called Bear Lake.
_______________________________________________________

My friend and I did find some footprints but they weren't sasquatch. We just really really wanted them to be.
_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

The bearded guy is my favourite but I think the coolest guy would be the guy with the tape recorder and check-mark above his head. The guy in the green shirt is alright (a little bit shifty) and the guy in the blue shirt is a complete ass.
_______________________________________________________

This man needs medical treatment stat!


_______________________________________________________

These trucks are really cool and I'm going to buy one sometime soon.
_______________________________________________________

"siy" = shy. "cild" = killed. The weird one on the right is sitting by the lake having a drink. He's going to be on everyone's t-shirt next week.


This is the back cover. It wraps over to the front cover with a sasquatch walking up the hill into the trees. The guy here is plugging his nose and saying "What's that smell?"

_____________________________________________________________________

What's amazing is the teacher's random corrections. There are so many spelling errors throughout but she only chooses to point out a select few.

I also had the opportunity to meet with one of the world's leading Bigfoot experts John Green at his home a few years back. I had brought this "book" for him to look at. It was pretty cool to have John Green reading my bigfoot "research" in his backyard. I have some video of this and when I dig it up, I'll post some of it.

FAKE TILT-SHIFT PHOTOGRAPHY

I've been playing with a newish photographic technique called Tilt-Shift which kind of makes your photos look like miniatures. To do real tilt-shift photography, you need a $1000 lens, but you can fake it with some simple blurring filters in photoshop. Here are some examples.

Taken at Tony Hawk's "Boom Boom Huck Jam" last summer in Spokane, Washington.

Taken from the top of a grain silo in Vancouver, BC.

I'll be taking more photos with "tilt-shift" in mind so keep checking in!

STARTLING SASQUATCH UPDATE!!!!

A whole bunch of you people have been coming to me and asking tons of questions like:

"What's going on with sasquatch?" and
"Hey, what's happening in the world of sasquatch?" and
"Do you have any ideas as to what sasquatch been up to?"

Well, no, I have no big news other than China is building a robotic sasquatch for science. In lieu of having nothing to support today's claim of "Startling Sasquatch Update!" and basically using the title as a ploy to get some much needed media attention, I bring you something everyone has seen before: The Patterson Footage!

HOWEVER! This is not just the Patterson footage! NO NO NO! This is the ENTIRE Patterson footage! YES YES YES! Now with just one click, you can feast your eyes on the shaking, unwatchable, useless footage that no one usually bothers to show!!!!

So from film-leader head to tail-end, I bring you "THE FOOTAGE."

THANKS FOR THE WARNING!

I found this awesome sign at the Coquihalla toll-booth restroom.

BUCKLE UP RUSSIA CD COVER

My friend's band Buckle Up Russia are releasing an EP any day now so I thought I'd post the CD jacket artwork I did for them. The band was super stoked to have a super-panther for their cover art. I like super-panthers. Here's the inside sleeve design:

"GRRR!!! ME HAVE CHEST PLATE!"

My past birthday (eons ago), my pal Craig McEwen gave me the most awesomest gift I've ever got ever! Yeah, the Big Wheel for X-mas when I was 5 was amazing but this is even more amazinger. A mint-in-box original Six Million Dollar Man Bionic Bigfoot complete with chest plate!!!!

This was his personal Bionic Bigfoot from his awesome Six Million Dollar Man collection. When I opened the present I couldn't at first fathom why it was in my hands until I suddenly realized that he was actually giving to me for my bigfoot collection. I thought I'd never have an original, let alone in the box WITH THE CHEST PLATE!!!! Thanks forever Craig!!!

Take a close look at the STABILIZED PATTY footage from my previous entry. Due to the footage being stabilized, I and many other sasquatch researchers have now noticed that she (Patty is the name given to the bigfoot in the film; named after the man who shot the footage Roger Patterson) is missing a chest plate!!!

STABILIZED PATTY

Why didn't i think of this!?!?! Take the famous Patterson footage of a sasquatch and motion track it and then stabilize it!!!

http://www.bigfootencounters.com/files/mk_davis_pgf.gif