COLIN STIMPSON

Check out the awesomeness that is Colin Stimpson. He's an Art Director and Production Designer for many animation projects as well a children's book illustrator. Head over to his site to see more of his work!

GET WHAT'S YOURS!

THE S FROM HELL

Here is a captivating short documentary on the classic Screen Gems logo and how it terrorized us as a society. Truly fascinating as I too was traumatized by this horror of celluloid.

360 INTERACTIVE REAL-TIME HAITIAN STREET VIEW

Update: I took down the video feed as the volume control settings on the source was driving people to kill their fellow man. The link below is still active...

Use your mouse to click and drag around the video to change the view. You can also zoom in and out. Pause and explore at any time by pressing the play/pause button under the video to stop and look around. The video below was shot on Monday, January 18, at 9:52 a.m. EST in Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

If it doesn't work here in Blogger, try this link.

STAR WARS FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES

UPDATE! Ferraro had the balls (and gall) to point out that the end of the Chewie/Han wall wasn't included...it is there now and of course, like any joke, it's much funnier with a punchline.

MY NEW HOUSE

Hey everyone, I thought I'd show you the house I just bought. It's okay and my first job is to cut down all the bloody trees so I'll have a view!



As per ush (pronounced eewzsh) I contracted architect Robert Harvey Oshatz (I kid him about his name on a daily basis) to design this puppy. Robert has designed and built all my homes and he has created a website to showcase my homes and his work here.

My favourite home still to this day is my residence in Japan which Oshatz and I called "Miyasaka Family Residence."

COOL LOG CABIN

I love log cabins and this one's kinda unique. See more pics of this cabin designed by Thomas Mayer for a musician here!

SHAWN FARQUHAR ON ELLEN

My buddy and colleague, the talented and eccentric Scott Farquhar has a brother Shawn who's a magician and over the years I've heard Scott mention his brother here and there in conversation. Occasionally, Scott will show me a trick or two that he's learned from Shawn and this week Scott's brother appeared on the Ellen Degeneres show.

DEATH METAL ROOSTER

KICK ASS RED BAND TRAILER

THE THIRD & THE SEVENTH

Completely CGI video narrative about photography and architecture by some "hack" named Alex Roman.

The Third & The Seventh from Alex Roman on Vimeo.

PACIFIC BARREL EYE FISH (WITH CREEPY SEE-THROUGH HEAD)

WEIRD SISTER-IN-LAWS

Last weekend, my wife's sisters came to visit so they bunked up in the barn in my backyard. On Sunday, I went to peep on them and this is what I saw...

GROOVY NEWS

This 80's news opening is actually quite ahead of its time in terms of production, camera and editing, in my opinion. The only thing I found slightly disconcerting besides the "cut-to-the-beat" editing was the shoulderless slug-monster in the orange outfit at the end...

SWIMMING ROBOTIC SNAKE

I for one, welcome our swimming robotic snake overlords...

T-SHIRT SQUAD!

Human Giant - T-Shirt Squad - watch more funny videos

AVAHONTAS

I saw Avatar (in 3D Imax) over the holidays and I went in with little expectations because first off, I HATED Titanic sooooo much that I couldn't watch the movie, leaving well before the Titanic kissed the iceberg. Second, the general aesthetic and designs of Avatar seemed really airy-fairy; like something from an early 80's prog-rock album art by Asia or Yes--which have always been tacky and gaudy in my opinion. I wouldn't be surprised if James pulled these LPs out of his record collection and gave them to his art director and conceptual artists as a spring-board.


Ironically, I came out of the theatre really impressed; dazzled by its technical ju-ju. I was in a real state of "wow" for a few hours but slowly that veil started to slip and all the things I was able to forgive while viewing the movie started to overthrow that magical visual imprint. EVERY character in the movie was a complete stereotype and generally, I felt that although everything I was seeing was something I have seen before, only rendered and realized in such a technically advanced way that it was something I hadn't seen before (in some sense). Story wise too, the film was basically something I had seen many of only again, in a whole new way. Below, a guy named Matt Bateman explains my point:


There it is! There's Avatar's story in a nut-shell. I'd recommend seeing the film on a big screen in 3D as there was so many times where I had to give my head a shake and say to myself, "None of this exists! Nothing is real, it's all digital voodoo!" Working in 3D animation for 13 years or so made me look at the movie with a bit of technical eye and it was absolutely stunning and nearly flawless in its execution. Don't go in expecting an epic story with amazing characters as it's extremely flat and dull. I wish James Cameron could have taken that world and presented us with a less safe story. I wish he took some risks and pushed the complexity of each of the characters so they weren't so cookie-cut (ie, the first time we see our corporate villain, he's, yes, putting a golf ball and exclaiming how much he loves his new club. The military villain is a typical marine sergeant, complete with massive facial battle scars--meaning, this guy's seen some shit!). If Cameron had taken a route similar to Princess Mononoke, where there was complexity in everyone's role, that their objectives, no matter what "side" they were on were valid and just, then I'd have appreciated the movie more. But here, the corporation is "bad" and the natives are "good" and there's no in-between. The story and characters are black and white void of anything deep, but the visuals are rich and immersive like nobody's business.

ENHANCE!

WITHOUT YOU BY MARK GORMLEY

Mark Gormley is by far one of the most incredible song-writers of the 21st century. His song "Little Wings" is perhaps only second to The Beatles "The Day In The Life" so when a friend sent me a link to Gormley's latest track "Without You" I instantly puked in my pants with excitement. Enjoy the intensity of not only the song but the video too. And be sure to check out his other tracks! They're all INTENSE!!

HAPPY IN PARAGUAY

For the 800th Halfsquatch post, I present...(trumpet flare)...

BIZ MARKIE CLEANS UP YOUR iTUNES

HOCKEY PLAYING BEARS

ZOMBIE DRIVER

Not as cool as the Bus Driving game, but looks like it could be a bit of fun if it was an iPhone app. Not sure what platform it's for but probably PC download.

MIND-POWERED PROSTHETIC ARM

Here's a video article from the BBC on the most recent developments on the brain-powered robotic hand.

WEIRD BEARD

I love how much the people freak out! I think I'd maybe nod and smile but to actually freak right out? It's like a real monster walked into the room!

BOY FINDS HIS VERY OWN E.T.

Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.

AWESOME GAME

My friend, who works extensively in the video game industry sent me to this link to a game which is flying under the radar. He writes, "I am amazed this isn't selling as well as Modern Warfare 2" I don't know what platform it's on but I can only assume PS3 or the 360. This and L4D2 are enough incentive for me to finally get either consoles. INCREDIBLE!

HALFSQUATCH HOUSEHOLD TIP #34

Hey gang, every year, at the end of November, Halfsquatch provides a handy-dandy tip! This year's tip:

HOW TO GET RID OF A GOD DAMN STAIN!

Ah, bloody 'ell!

The solution is mad-easy and requires no chemicals, no soap, nuffin'! What is it? Boiling water. Here's what you do:

1. Go and spill something ridiculous on something important and create a god damn stain. It could be your shag rug. Perhaps you're a douchebag and your finest, most-prized Ed Hardy tee has some a nasty orange-pigment around the collar and you just can't get rid of the god damn stain, no matter how much you yell!

2. Quit yer yellin' ya mook and put the shirt in the sink or tub.

3. Boil some boring water!

4. Pour that boiling water on the god damn stain from a bit of a height (more than two feet seems to be the ticket).

5. Watch that god damn stain disappear!

CALL OF DUTY: SECRET SPIELBERG LEVEL UNLOCKED

Call of Duty: Secret Spielberg Level Unlocked - watch more funny videos

JEFF WALL IS AN INSPIRATION!!

You know, after seeing Jeff's work and the success he's had, and taking into consideration a number of comments made to me regarding my thoughts on Jeff Wall (see comments on this post) I thought, you know what? Maybe a bunch of these meat-headed buffoons are right! Maybe I shouldn't just laze about being a bum. Maybe I should get off my fat ass and become the artiste I truly believe myself to be. After all, if Jeff Wall can sell one of his works of art for MILLIONS (not an exaggeration) then so can I!

On my way back from lunch, I imagined myself walking through the world with Jeff's eye and something miraculous happened! I found myself finding art everywhere! There was even a small voice deep inside my right ear saying "YES! YES! That's powerful! Capture it! You ARE an auteur!"

I now present to you my first public showing of 7 masterpieces. I chose 7 as the number of images to present due to the powerful and majestic qualities the number 7 signifies. I think you'll find a number of other symbolic and majestic qualities in each of these images. Enjoy.

Spare Tire Wedged Against Wall In Alley 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

The Bicycle Incident 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

Street Crossers 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

No Exit 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

Wet Wall and Pipe 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

A House Being Built 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

Basketball In Puddle 2009
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
documentary photograph

JEFF WALL'S CONCRETE BALL

As you may be aware, I am not a fan of Jeff Wall's work and here is another classic example as to why and it just boggles my mind how he can be so successful.

Concrete ball 2002
Transparency in lightbox 2040 x 2600 mm
Private collection, Basel
Documentary photograph

Here is a quote from Tate Modern on Concrete Ball:
"Based on a found scene, the quietness of Concrete ball reveals Wall's attention to pictorial composition. The concern here is not to represent an event, but rather to depict a generic urban landscape, without specific qualities and devoid of any drama. The perspective is carefully calculated and the central element responds to the curve of the road. The large scale of the work, proportioned to the human body, evokes a sense of immersion in the scene."

Are you fucking kidding me?! This is complete and utter bullshit, void of any artistic merit. If I or any artist or photographer took a photo of this thing, even if it was composed better, and went to a gallery and said, "Hey, would you be interested in what I consider a real work of art?" they'd look at it and laugh in our faces. The only thing going for this is the fact that it has Jeff's name attached to it. A friend of mine said, "My [3-year-old] takes better pictures."

Hit the road, Jack!

OAF - WE GOT OUR FIRST CLIENT!

To whom it may concern,

RE: Ocean Adventure Force

I saw your ad recently placed on Craigslist and was hoping you could help me as I have exhausted all traditional forms of assistance and wasted a lot of time and money trying to use ‘normal’ channels. To most people this will sound strange and maybe even made up, but I’m hoping from your ad that you will firstly believe me, and more importantly be able to help me. So here it is:

On weekends I volunteer at the Vancouver Aquarium where I help translate bubble patterns produced by Pacific Bottlenose dolphins (Tursiops truncate of the Delpinidae genus). Although still in its infancy as a scientific medium and not recognised by any major body I have devoted the last 12 years of my life to creating a language based on the patterns and can now confidently say that I can communicate with the dolphins in a rudimentary fashion. To get to the point; over the past 7 months the dolphins have been getting more and more agitated and expressive so using my patented translating device I have managed to deduce that there is something both very scary but also fantastical about to happen. What this event is, and how it can be linked to the dolphins is something I have yet to discover, however what I do know is that it involves Scallops and a little known (or understood) microbe called Filius Nullius which roughly translates as ‘The Bastard’. This microbe has the ability to enter a creature and alter its genetic structures in such a way that can be either beneficial, or detrimental to the creature involved. However it should be noted that numerous studies into its behaviour show beyond doubt (approximately 98.9% of the time) it is detrimental, hence it got its name.

If you think you can help avert this impending disaster and would like to know more then we should meet sooner rather than later as time is of the essence. Also you should be aware my funds are limited as I have already used up most of my available sources of income (including exhaustive prostitution and medical testing) and my body is now all but spent, however if you are who you say you are then the information you have just seen should kindle the kind of interest that demeans any kind of financial recuperation.

Yours in confidence,

[name not printed for privacy]

OAF - 2ND AD

Well, we got no bites on our first ad yet, but they say persistence gets the early cat to bed in a hand-basket so I thought I'd have a go at another ad. Again, people, please, if you know anyone who may be in need of our unique services, I recommend that you send them our way. It could save their life. Here's the direct link to our ad.

OCEAN ADVENTURE FORCE

My buddy John Dryden and I are working feverishly on our new business and we're hoping to stir up a bit of business by placing an ad in Craigslist. We'll be expanding our ad campaign to various magazines soon such as Forbes and O (which, BTW, this months' issue features Oprah on the cover). Here's the link should you need to send it to anyone who may be in need of our services.

click on image for higher quality

DR. GRORDBORTS'S RIGHTEOUS BISON INDIVISIBLE PARTICLE SMASHER

The fascinating Dr. Grordbort has tantalized our puny minds for years with his incredible infallible aether oscillators. These ray guns, though fantastic, are extremely powerful(they can completely disintegrate a giant monstrousidon in less than 4 seconds) and are far too expensive for my pocketbook. Luckily however, I had the privilege of meeting the good doctor himself in San Diego and there, I had an exclusive hands-on demonstration of his "slave-class" ray-gun.

This gun, though less powerful than the others in the doctor's line of weapons, still commands respect! Thanks to scientific experimentation and years of research and advancements in imitation metals, scientists, engineers and designers have taken Dr. Grordbort's ambitious ideas and adapted and refined them so that you and I could in fact be proud owners of such a luxurious and prestigious item! Little known fact: Dr. Grordbort's personal assistant and ghost-writer Greg Broadmore is a conceptual artist for Weta. One of his designs is the exo-suit in District-9.

Get your Righteous Bison here!

Dr. Grordbort's personal assistant, Greg Broadmore.

LEGO MATRIX

My sons and I have been making a lot of Lego things lately and it's almost the 10th anniversary of The Matrix so take the red pill and check this groovy little Lego video out.

WUW- SIXTH SENSE WEARABLE TECH

Incredible stuff and relatively cheap! Incredibly bad music though...



Here's the TED page with more information.

BEAR NAKED

Some South American bears in a German zoo have developed a condition which made their fur fall off and they've developed some rashes etc. I think they look awesome! Check out those claws!!! "More" info here!

STRANGER DANGER PSA

I wish I saw this a month ago :(

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

TUCKER & DALE vs. EVIL

ZOMBIE KID FOUND

CARDBOARD ANIMATION

REBOOT: PREPARE FOR LET-DOWN

THE CUP OF TEARS

Pretty slick and crazy samurai sci-fi flick!

The Cup of Tears film trailer. Dir. Gary Shore from Gary Shore on Vimeo.

It's an Irish movie made in Slovenia and here's the synopsis:
"Follows a scorned geisha who creates a magical cup made of tears that causes any man who drinks from it to fall into a permanent sleep. One night the cup is stolen, setting off a chain of events that threatens civil war amongst the clans. Taro, a gifted samurai, sets out to find the cup and one who can break the spell."

SKINNY'S OCTOBER WINGS

Here's a little animated clip my buddy Jordy Starling and his friend made for Hallowe'en .

HALLOWE'EN COSTUME AD

Thanks George!

click on image for better resolution

HIRED!

ALI: GREATEST ENTERTAINER

Click above image for a great video!

Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar

MUHAMMAD ALI!

The other night my black cat puked on my lap. I wondered if it was bad luck. Turns out it was good luck because I just saw Muhammad Ali!! I was getting into work a tad late and I heard cheers coming from the Lululemon headquarters (which is just next door). I then heard someone on a microphone asking questions like "What was Muhammad Ali's birth name?" and "Who did he fight in The Rumble In The Jungle?" Knowing that The Greatest is in town I thought, "What are the chances he's here?" So I popped up to Lululemon and saw a little stage with boxing gloves sitting under a chair and a small crowd had gathered behind a velvet rope. I then knew that he'd be coming! After waiting about half-an-hour, he arrived! How fucking incredibly awesome is that?! I was literally 10 feet away from The King! Sorry about the low-quality of these iPhone photos. WHY COULDN'T I HAVE MY NIKON!?

Muhammad Ali is seated on the stage.

PAC-MAN CHART

Thanks Melt!

SNUFF BOX - EMPTY ROOM

Thanks Colin!

CRISS ANGEL -- DICKHEAD

Update: Scott F., (whose brother is a magician) just wrote: "This'll cheer ya! My brother went to see "Believe" and said that it was unbelievably bad. People booed and they had to set up a separate room for folks who wanted their money back. Apparently Angel felt that being a douchebag to the audience wasn't just funny, it was his right."

I don't know what Criss Angel's like in real person, but I can't stand his Mind Freak show. Sometime's I'm captivated and held hostage to the show because it's like a train-wreck. The bullshit camera edits and actors all going "What?!?! Where'd he go?! How'd he do that?!" makes me just vomit all over myself. I usually rewind the trick back to show my 8-year old how the trick was done and most of his stuff is just camera trickery. I'm sure he can do card-tricks and rope-tricks and typical street-magician shit, but digitally removing cables and playing with the camera isn't magic. Take this bullshit for example. This is BRILLIANT!



Look at where the white scratches in the pavement are when he crawls out of the sewer. Then when he goes back to roll it up, you can see them lower in frame which means the camera's just cropped the man-hole out of the shot and someone off-camera placed the poster down. He should have just gone back into the sewer where he came from and belongs.

On a recent episode I saw him doing some magic in front of his Vegas show "Believe" and they had a poster for the show in the background. This poster in fact:

Is it me? Or has he just magically transformed himself into a boner? Here is an illustration I found that is quite magical.

THE KILLERS

Just look at these twats will ya?!

GRANDPA IN MY POCKET

Check out this British CBeebies series called "Grandpa In My Pocket!" It's about a boy whose grandpa has a magical cap that can shrink him and the boy then, yes, carries his grandfather in his pocket. That's the last place I'd put an old man! Be sure to roll over the show's logo in the upper-left corner for a special surprise!