STARTLING SASQUATCH UPDATE!!!!

A whole bunch of you people have been coming to me and asking tons of questions like:

"What's going on with sasquatch?" and
"Hey, what's happening in the world of sasquatch?" and
"Do you have any ideas as to what sasquatch been up to?"

Well, no, I have no big news other than China is building a robotic sasquatch for science. In lieu of having nothing to support today's claim of "Startling Sasquatch Update!" and basically using the title as a ploy to get some much needed media attention, I bring you something everyone has seen before: The Patterson Footage!

HOWEVER! This is not just the Patterson footage! NO NO NO! This is the ENTIRE Patterson footage! YES YES YES! Now with just one click, you can feast your eyes on the shaking, unwatchable, useless footage that no one usually bothers to show!!!!

So from film-leader head to tail-end, I bring you "THE FOOTAGE."