NASA CONFIRMS MARTIAN WATER

NASA has just revealed that they have concrete proof that water exists on Mars and that the Phoenix Mars Lander's exploration has been extended. HERE!

GOOG 411

BUSH TOURS STATES DEVESTATED BY HIS PRESIDENCY

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

MONTAUK MONSTER

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? More non-useful information here! My guess is that it's a leather-back sea turtle that never developed a shell or it's a baby griffin. I don't think it's a carrion crawler nor do I think it's a rust monster.

MY ENEMY & MY LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH TRANSIT

As the title implies, I have a love/hate relationship for taking transit to work. The pros equal the cons so I'm stuck in the middle.

PROS:
•less stressful and safer than driving in traffic
•cheaper than driving
•I can read, "relax", listen to music, eaves drop (some young 18-year-old Surrey construction workers talking about what drugs they did yesterday and what drugs they'll do today and fears of being fired. And just today in fact was a schizophrenic talk-out-loud kook who had many enjoyable things to talk and laugh about--as he exited he said to everyone "Smile! You're on TV!")
•environmentally more friendly
•looking at hot girls

CONS:
•sick people coughing (I make it a point to not touch anything on board with bare hands)
•when it breaks down (rarely) it sucks
•missing your scheduled bus sucks
•dealing with assholes

Monday night was a great example of a bad day. On my home from work, the Skytrain was packed. I'll let a train go and wait for another in the chances that it's less packed but last night it wasn't happening so I got crammed in. I got a backpack to the face, someone's arm got hooked into my headphone cables and yanked my phones off, and someone let one rip. When I got off at my station I went and stood in line for the bus which was on schedule any minute. We boarded and as I approached the back of the bus I saw my ENEMY: A retarded Asian fellow.

My enemy: Keeping up to speed with Hollywood gossip!

Here's the deal. About a year ago, I noticed that every once in a while I'd see this retarded man on the bus. He always took the back bench, sprawling out to take over three seats. No biggie. I can handle that as long as it's not busy and no elderly person needs the seat (they never come to the back of the bus anyways). He sits quietly, occasionally saying something out loud nodding his head to his headphones of his DiscMan (I'd love to know what he listens to). A few trips with this fellow and I realize that he's a snorter. He snorts so loud that the first time, I actually thought it was perhaps hydraulic pressure being released from the bus itself. Started to get kinda annoying. One day, coming home from work, he's sitting there when he suddenly blurts out, and this is no lie, "DAHHHH! Oh, fuck! I shit my pants!" And he stood up and tried to fix himself as best he could. I can handle that kind of stuff from a distance, and kinda relish the fact that I witnessed this but am too cold and inconsiderate to help the poor chap. What would I be able to do anyway? I'm sure someone out there would have a good solution to this kind of situation but not me. I just kinda grin inside. I know that sounds harsh but I've had the same thing happen to me so I've earned the right to enjoy this man's sudden and unexpected pants-shitting.

My enemy: Sprawled out like a son-of-a-bitch.

A while later, my son and I took a bus to the Skytrain to catch a movie and there he is; sprawled over three seats on the back bench: his ass in the middle seat, his legs across the window seat and his hand on his left "reserving" the third seat. There's one empty seat next to the "reserved" seat so I figure, he'll move his hand and we'll both be able to sit. As I guide Kai to the "reserved" seat I quickly realize that Gretzkeee isn't going to move his hand and I quickly usher Kai into the empty seat. Gretzkeee looks at me with a look that says "Nothin' you can do about it, fuck-face: I'm Gretzkeee." It creeps me out to think that my son's ass was this close to sitting on this man's hand. So I decided at that point that I really didn't like this guy and I didn't care that he was retarded. He was going to be my enemy.

Last night was the icing on the cake that took my level of dislike of this man to a higher level. After being crammed uncomfortably in this sweltering Skytrain car I cheerfully hopped almost immediately onto my connector bus. I saw my enemy sprawled out in his usual seats. His DiscMan now reserving in the third seat, his backpack taking the window seat. A very tall, very friendly looking African man came loping to the back and tried to take the seat next to the DiscMan, but due to circumstances of another man's circumference, it was but half a seat. The friendly tall man looked to Gretzkeee with a look like "excuse me please" and gestured to the DiscMan. Gretzkeee ignored him though was fully aware of his situation. Mr. Friendly then takes the DiscMan and considerately pushes it towards Gretzkeee who pushes it back with a loud "Hmphhh!" Mr. Friendly then picks up the DiscMan and hands it to my enemy who then pushes the man's hand, grabs the DiscMan and shoves it back onto the seat muttering "Fuckin' Christ!" At this point I finally say my first words to my enemy "Give the man the fucking seat. You've got plenty of room." Gretzkeee throws daggers, knives and torches my way with his eyes and yells "FUCK YOU" and then stammers and huffs and puffs in anger as he rearranges his seating arrangements. Occasionally he'd stare at me, throwing more javelins into my eyes and shaking his head in complete disgust, nodding his head more furiously to the music as though it was now playing something really heavy and aggressive, like Bon Jovi or Cinderella or maybe even Warrant. Somewhere along the ride his backpack fell to the floor and he chose to ignore this opting instead to look at me as if this was all my fault.

My bus ride is really only 5-minutes (I usually opt to walk if it's not there) so I don't have to share it with him for long and when I got off and walked past where he was sitting, again he was looking at me as if he wanted to kill me so I did the only thing that came to my head: I stared directly into his eyes, pointed at him very sternly as if poking him and said, yeah, that's right, "YOU!" Of course a million other ideas popped into my head as the bus drove my enemy safely away from me.

This morning, as luck would have it, Gretzkeee was on the bus and he and I gave each other the evil eyes.

MARTIN JET PACK UNVEILED

Thanks Geeky Steve!


Today Martin Jet Packs (hope their jet packs are faster than their site's load time) officially unveiled its "affordable" jet pack. They're asking a cool one-hundred grand. Here's an article from the New York Times which includes some video.

BIGFOOT SIGHTED IN NORTHERN ONTARIO

A couple of ladies from Grassy Narrows, ON. (near the border of Manitoba) were berry picking when they saw a hairy 8-foot humanoid creature. When it saw them, it took off into the woods. FASCINATING HUH?! What drama! What suspense! WHAT A STORY! And again, it's exactly this reason alone; the fact that the story is so dull, that I believe these ladies. If I wanted to tell a story and risk my reputation, then I think I'd go for the gusto and make it a doozy. More here!

"YETI" HAIRS TO GET DNA ANALYSIS

According to the BBC, some hair which is claimed to be that of a Yeti, were given to some high-profile British scientists to examine. As it stands now, prior to DNA testings, is that the hair is currently an enigma and does not match any other possible animal from the region. MORE HERE!

FRED & SHARON: PEACE OR WAR

Very profound and hugely symbolic! Fred & Sharon star in this poetic narrative which weighs the pros and cons of both peace and war. The music is like something off Anticon Records!

CREEPY PIG

Nothing more creepy than a pig with a really weird primate face!

Curious locals flocked to the home of owner Feng Changlin after news of the piglet spread in Fengzhang village, Xiping township.

“It’s hideous. No one will be willing to buy it, and it scares the family to even look at it!” Feng told Oriental Today.

He says the piglet looks just like a monkey, with two thin lips, a small nose and two big eyes. Its rear legs are also much longer than its forelegs, causing it to jump instead of walk.

Feng’s wife said the monkey-faced piglet was one of five newborns of a sow which the family had raised for nine years.

“My God, it was so scary. I didn’t known what it was. I was really frightened,” she said.

“But our son likes to play with it, and he stopped us from getting rid of it. He even feeds it milk.”

Neighbours have suggested the couple keep the piglet to see how it looks as it matures.

THE GREEN DOOR / TOOTHPICK THE CLOWN!

Years and years ago, there was a fabled rumour of some Chinese restaurant hidden in one of the allies near Main & Hastings (possibly Canada's poorest and "seediest" neighbourhoods; riddled with drug addicts). The rumours included that you brought your own booze and that there was some underground gambling racket going on in the back room. So myself and a couple of friends decided to go looking for it one evening.

We didn't really know where to start but whatever our starting point was, it turned out to be a solid choice because we found it within 5 minutes. In one of the allies (can't remember where) there as a junkie sitting in front of a green door. My memory's a little fuzzy but it was either unmarked or there may have been its name on the door in Sharpie or those gold square decals you see on the back of truck windows boasting the owner's CB handle.


We said "excuse us" to our junkie and she moved aside and in we went. I believe we were greeted warmly and the place was small. We were the only customers. We sat down, ordered a beer and food (we didn't bring our own booze) and soon enough our food came and it wasn't very good. We genuinely felt like the place probably wasn't too concerned about health codes and practices.

While there, we noticed on one of the walls was a number of framed autographed 8x10's of various actors and performers. There wasn't one single actor that we recognized but two did stand out: The Checkerboard Guy and Toothpick The Clown (his site doesn't seem to be properly internetted).



We finished up and left and have never returned. I don't even know if it's still around. A few years after, perhaps it was around 1997 or so, I was in Kamloops, BC and I was in the mall. The mall was having a big side-walk "salebration!" and as I was passing through, I heard some cheering and applause and then saw a number of kids erupt from behind a make-shift performance set/stage; some kind of kid's show had just finished. As I passed the set I saw that it was none-other than my good friend Toothpick The Clown! He was packing some stuff back into a chest and he looked up and saw me staring at him so I kept walking, kind of embarrassed that I was staring at him. When I got about 40 feet from the clown I turned and yelled, "HEY TOOTHPICK!" He looked up. "I'LL SEE YOU AT THE GREEN DOOR!" and then I just kept walking. From behind I could hear him yelling; almost mad, "HOW DO YOU KNOW!? Hey! HEY COME BACK HERE! HOW DO YOU KNOW!!!!" But I just kept walking, leaving the clown with a mystery: How did that guy with the crazy, muppety nose know I went to the Green Door? Now...to track down The Checkerboard Guy!

DR. ED MITCHELL SPILLS MORE ALIEN BEANS

Astronaut Dr. Ed Mitchell, the 6th man to walk on the moon recently explained in an interview that the Roswell crash was real and that there are extra-terrestrial aliens. He recently just talked to Discovery Channel to spill more beans...

MARTIN JETPACK SNEAKPEAK

Unveiling next weekend (July 29th) at the Oshkosh Airshow

ASTRONAUT: ALIENS EXIST, IT'S ALL OPENING UP

Dr. Ed Mitchell, the 6th human to walk on the surface of Moon recently admitted on a radio interview that the Roswell crash was real and that Earth has been visited for at least 60 years. He tells the interviewer that he's been privvy to classified information regarding the matter; that the governments around the world are starting to disclose more and more information about alien visitations, that they are not a threat (or we'd be dead by now) and that they look the way you think they look. More here!

MORE STAR WARS CELEBRATION JAPAN

How awesome is this?! The only thing that would have made it a tad better is if George was flying low. Take a gander at more detailed images of this other nifty things here!

THE VADER PROJECT

Tons of low-brow artists took their take on the infamous Vader mask for a show which took place July 19-21, 2008 at Star Wars Celebration Japan — at Makuhari-Messe in Chiba just outside Tokyo to celebrate the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars. Click here for more photos.

Add c4_vaderproject to your page

KUBRICK COMMERCIAL

Thanks Steve Sauers!



I like how when "Danny" sees "Kubrick" he runs away for his life...

WASP INJECTION KNIFE IN ACTION

A little while back I blogged about the Wasp Injection Knife. Here's a clip where a guy finds himself up against 2 deadly, perhaps even poisonous watermelons. Thanks to the Wasp Injection Knife, he will live to see another day. Joking aside, there's no wonder why police are all buggin' out over this crazy lethal weapon.

BATTLE AT KRUGER 2

We've all seen the Battle at Kruger National Park in Africa but recently, wildlife photographer Hal Brindley was having "the best day ever" when suddenly this happened:


A leopard takes down a crocodile! Check out more here and a "video" of the photos here!

JOHN DRYDEN: WORLD RUINER

WATCHMEN TRAILER

Well it looks like those trailers went and got all busted up....Go here instead!

Here's the official Watchmen trailer and it looks pretty damn slick (the music for the first part is less than cool though). Dr. Manhattan looks pretty sweet. Watch the Youtube version below or click here for a more hi-res version...

THESE HELMETS ARE: GO!

For some reason I like helmets. I don't have a motorcycle or skidoo or jet-fighter but I love helmets. Les Ateliers Ruby in Paris, France that makes really nice helmets.

The only thing missing from this one is a white stripe down the middle and a red-sparkled maple leaf.

T&E&Z'S ABSOLUT VODKA AD #3!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

RADIOHEAD "HOUSE OF CARDS"

KINETIC METAL BALLS SCULPTURE

This installation (one of 125 exhibits) at the new BMW Museum in Munich, Germany uses 714 metal balls, all suspended by barely visible strings. I'm not exactly sure what's driving the design pattern but it's pretty hypnotizing. WARNING: The music is absolutely atrocious. I can't think of worse music. I'd sit for hours listening to Black Metal through a pair of shitty speakers than listen to the crap they've chosen to present their movie with. This "down-tempo" jazzy shit that you hear at upscale trendy restaurants has got to go! You know what I'm talking about De-Phazz, Tosca and St. Germain!

EMD BRACLET: A NOVEL IDEA!

Earlier this week I posted about the Dept. of Homeland "Security"'s new EMD wristbands which are given to passengers boarding planes. They claim that this would speed up security checks and what-not. But it dawned on me that there's a better idea: Why not just issue these out to every citizen of the U.S.of A.? Make it a law that they have to wear one of these at all times. It would carry all their identification and their bank card information, etc! You'd never have to carry a stupid wallet ever again! It could even be fashionable by incorporating a wrist-watch and bling! If you were ever caught without one, you'd have to be shot dead on the spot. Why just airport security DHS?! What about buses with bombs on them that'll explode if it slows down? What about car-jackers!? Unruly skateboarders and people taking pictures of stuff on public property? If you're visiting America, you'd have to wear one too, but it would look somewhat different so American citizens would know that you're a foreigner and potentially dangerous.

BAMAN & PIDERMAN

Thanks Nathan Thomas!

AWESOME KNIVES

As a member of the rock band "The Stabbers" it's only fitting that we have really awesome knives to do some stabbing between gigs. Here's some blades that I've ordered for John Dryden and I to use while stabbing things between and during gigs. Show us you're a fan of The Stabbers and get yours here!

Hatchet!! Do you have any of these already?!

CHAINSAW MAID

Thanks Blair!

A maid takes on Zombies in this "Claymation Masterpiece."

ITALIAN SPIDERMAN: EPISODES 7 & 8

THE EMD SAFTEY BRACELET!

Check out how awesome the Dept. of Homeland Security is becoming! They're actually toying with the idea of having passengers wear these Electro Muscular Disruptors which everyone on board would have to wear to check on and off of flights. Get a little unruly and you could be convulsing into submission.

I have no desire to pay a lot of money to become an airline prisoner for a few hours. Check out the Washington Times article here

and the makers of the device's promotional video here

Fuck you Dept. of Homeland Security!

Here's a blurb from the manufacturer's site to help clear up some misinformation:

The bracelets remain inactive until a hijacking situation has been identified. At such time a designated crew member will activate the bracelets making them capable of delivering the punitive measure - but only to those that need to be restrained. We believe that all passengers will welcome deliverance from a hijacking, as will the families, carriers, insurance providers etc. The F-16 on the wingtip is not to reassure the passengers during a hijacking but rather to shoot them down. Besides activation using the grid screen, the steward / stewardess will have a laser activator that can activate any bracelet as needed by simply pointing the laser at the bracelet - that laser dot only needs to be within 10 inches of the bracelet to activate it.

ART SHOW: JULY 12th

I've got a couple of pieces of art showing at a big group show in Gastown on Saturday July 12th. This show's theme is album cover art and I'll be showing with a whole shwack of talented people. Click on the image above for all the details and I hope to see y'all there.

ROBOT HUNTER

Them there Duncan Bros. have another short...

GOON: THE MOVIE

Thanks Gio Channel



I am with much delight and pent-up rage that The Goon, my favourite comic, is going to be a CG animated feature! Delighted that it's got Fincher at the helm and that it's going to be CGI. Irked to my core because about 6 years ago, I had approached my superiors at Mainframe to tell them that the rights to this comic may be available and that we should acquire them if they were. My "superiors" said, "Naaaa...I don't know...it doesn't look like it's something that people would like." "Are you kidding me?! It's got zombies, car chases, fighting, giant monsters, humour out the ying-yang! What's there not to like!?! Get the rights!! You missed your chance at getting the Hellboy rights! GET THE GOON!" To their credit they did look into the options and they were available but they still said "Naaaa. No one would like it."

At that time, Darkhorse was allowing some Australian-based rendering software company (some off-shoot of Renderman) to use The Goon's likeness for a bunch of tests they were doing. They weren't producing anything for broadcast; just testing their new rendering software.

ME IN THE PAPER!

A friend sent me this newspaper clipping recently and what's funny is that I'm thankful for the same things. I look some mutant-like praying mantis/alien Glekktod from the Inner 8th Dimension. Tim Young and Adam Corbett would eventually become my mind-slaves and then dinner and dessert (respectively).

TED: UNDERWATER ASTONISHMENTS