THERE WILL BE BLOOD: A MOVIE REVIEW

RATING: 3.5-out-of-5 Thumbs Up (or 1.5-out-of-5 Thumbs Down).


Let's just say that there were soooo many good reviews for this movie and that people are nominating it in every possible category including "Best Craft Service" that I said to myself,
"Dammit! I gotta see this movie!" After all, it's got Daniel Day-Lewis who sky-rocketed to the top of my all-time favourite actors since that incredible performance as "Profion" in the epic fantasy Dungeons & Dragons. It was also adapted for the screen by the same man who brought you the incredible comedy Punch-Drunk Love, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Well, let me tell you something. I was torn asunder with this movie. I had no idea which way was up!?!

The director, Philip Seymour Hoffman

First off, for half of the movie, something kept nagging at me; a voice kept saying "something's not right. This is a terrible performance compared to that of Profion..." and I couldn't really concentrate on the movie and I hadn't really been paying that close attention to what was happening and the last time I asked the person next to me to fill me in as to who's who and what's happening I got called a retard so I kept stewing and stewing over and over like a run-on-sentence and that's when it hit me! It wasn't Day-Lewis in the cult-hit Dungeons and Dragons, but Jeremy Irons!

Sir Jeremy Irons gives everything he has as PROFION!

That's what's bothering me! I had made a HUGE gross mistake. What a drag! Sir Jeremy Irons is sooooo much a better thespian than Day-Lewis! Not only has my man Sir Irons done about 3 times the movies than Day-Lewis (so that's proof-in-the-pudding) but "Loser" Day-Lewis has NEVER been on a Dame Edna special (as Teen Wolf's Robert Bateman's character from Arrested Development, Gob would say, "COME ON!")

So now I've missed basically half the movie and the character that Day-Lewis was playing is now like an old man!? HUH? What the hell? I don't recall buying a ticket for Slaughterhouse 5!

Craig Vonnegut Jr.'s classic "The Slaughterhouse 5"

So instead of bugging the stranger beside me to ask what's going on, I decide to stick it out. I might as well watch the credits and see who the craft service person was (which by the way was Graham Sonnenberg, the person responsible for craft service in that ass-fest Grindhouse).
So while I'm watching this old man belittle people left-right-and-centre, I suddenly get one of those "EUREKA!" moments and realize that this old man looks just like Deaner from Fubar!

Paul Spence is giv'erin' it everything he has as DEANER!

What a complete rip-off! Not only did the director vagrantly plagiarize his script from an old book, but he had to steal his main character's look from an old movie!

Anyways, I don't know if it's worth watching or not. I found it disappointing for my own reasons. I highly recommend seeing it if you want to see what this movie's about.

two unknown actors from the movie that I saw

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