HALFSQUATCH GUEST BLOGGER: JAMIE "THE HATCHET" HATCHENS

Hey y'all, because I'm super swamped with other things (power-washing my deck, directing a cartoon, being a dad, pleasuring my wife, and replacing the latch on our front fence) I've decided to let a friend look after Halfsquatch for a full work-week. It was hard for me to decide who would be best suited for the job, but, perhaps it was more than just coincidence, an old school mate contacted me through Asspamphlet (it's like Facebook but not as good). I hadn't heard from him in almost 18 years and when I asked him if he'd be interested in looking after Halfsquatch for a week, he said "Fuckin' rights, that'd be cool." So, without further ado, here is your new keeper of Halfsquatch, Jamie Hatchens!


Hi. My name is Jamie Hatchens but my buds call me "Hatch" or I'm also go by "The Hatchet." Im a guy from Orangeville Ontario and I work for a Coca-Cola distrabuting plant, loading pallots of soda onto trucks. Good money cause its union and all. So Johnny asked if I'd run this thing of his so I said yeah and now I'll be out to fucking rock you into orbit! I really have anything in mind at all and all day i was racking my brain trying to think of somehting that would be fucking awesome so my girl says something like write what you now about and love so thats when i decided! My trcuk.

Look at this:


Can you even belive it? This is my pride AND my joy. It fucking hauls serious ass. I got a buddy of mine to do up some deckals for it to make it One in a million. No one has this Dodge at all. First, I put UNLIMITED TIRE TEAM on the doors. Its an inside joke that the guys and me do. "UTT!" Don't ask. You won't even get it. On the hood I did this

FUCK OFF!!! I'm laughing my ass off right now cuase its so awesome. If you click on the pitcher it will be made bigger so you can see it beter. Ha ha ha ha! Awesome."UTT!" I then also got these done on both sides of the truck


You don't even know! Ha ha ha! Fuckin' right and look at the salute i 'm giving you! You don't even know! IThe words are made up with stick people. Originilly it was stick people in sex positons but it was harder to read. This is still right the fuck on though. I also put this one the gate You don't even know but if you call this number you won't get anyhone cuz its just a fucking joke that me and my buddies made up. It says If this vehicle is seen driving irradically dial 1 800 eat-shit. So awesome. My buddy came up with that one one night and it stuck. I like it and if you look at the word irradically you can see the word radical in it which is fuckin right the fuck on. I don't have a piture of of the other side (so sue me, i'm an idiot for not taking the piture) but it says in the same kind of letters These Tires are ALWAYS for sale. Again, its another inside joke that fucking rocks (UTT!!!!). I laughed my ass off so hard when we put that on my truck and you don't even know! I gotta go.