Friday, November 07, 2008

LOVE BOAT: THE MOVIE

So a little while back my buddy John Dryden and I were in some negotiations to bring a number of older TV shows to the big screen. We developed a whole wack of shows into movies and are quite proud of our work. Dukes of Hazzard, Burger King: The Movie, Starsky & Hutch, Charlies Angels, Rubic's Cube: The Awakening of Na'mythryl Zarxapnph and Alien Vs. Lavern Vs. Shirley Vs. Predator, are just some of the movies we produced, wrote, edited, directed and craft serviced. Well it turns out that we're all ready to begin to sail off into yet another remake/update TV-to-Movie: The Love Boat. Here's what John's email had to say:

I spoke with several agents today about our new project. Everyone seemed quite excited, however, there were some "availability issues" with some of our choices. Bruce Willis is currently working On something very "Hush-hush". From what I was able to figure, it's something where him and his teenage daughter get switched into each others bodies, and obviously, hilarity will ensue. Come to think of it, the movie may actually be called Hush Hush. Randy Quaid is also unavailable due to his role in Coaches, a movie about high school football coaches. ( I had that same idea months ago!). Finally I got a call back from Willis's agent, who also represents Steven Colbert! I guess there is a bit of a buzz about our thing and Colbert is practically begging to be Doc! Pam Anderson is still unconfirmed. I spoke with her directly, and she loves the idea of bringing Julie McCoy to the big screen, but she has to discuss it with her agent. She told me she wants a stab at writing ala Edward "The Gamma-man" Norton. Sounds sketchy so just in case, I have a call in to Renee Zelweger's people as well. Micheal Bay just text-messaged me saying that he is interested, but wants co-producing credits and wants freedom of re-writes. Let's discuss our options. Lemme know when you wanna go in for 2-for-1 botox. Last time was very fun! Ta for now! Oh! One more thing. I may have found a buyer for our Booze Werewolf script "Booze Werewolf." You know, the one about the Werewolf that's really into booze? I'll give you a hint as to who it is: His name rhymes with Gendichio Bell Sorrow.

Cast thus far:

Patrick Stewart - Capt. Merrell Stubing, ship's Captain

Will Smith - Isaac, the bar-man

Luke Wilson - 'Gopher', ship's steward

Pamela Anderson - Julie McCoy, cruise director

Steven Colbert - 'Doc', ship's doctor, ladies' man