Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Friday, December 04, 2009
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The solution is mad-easy and requires no chemicals, no soap, nuffin'! What is it? Boiling water. Here's what you do:
1. Go and spill something ridiculous on something important and create a god damn stain. It could be your shag rug. Perhaps you're a douchebag and your finest, most-prized Ed Hardy tee has some a nasty orange-pigment around the collar and you just can't get rid of the god damn stain, no matter how much you yell!
2. Quit yer yellin' ya mook and put the shirt in the sink or tub.
3. Boil some boring water!
4. Pour that boiling water on the god damn stain from a bit of a height (more than two feet seems to be the ticket).
5. Watch that god damn stain disappear!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
On my way back from lunch, I imagined myself walking through the world with Jeff's eye and something miraculous happened! I found myself finding art everywhere! There was even a small voice deep inside my right ear saying "YES! YES! That's powerful! Capture it! You ARE an auteur!"
I now present to you my first public showing of 7 masterpieces. I chose 7 as the number of images to present due to the powerful and majestic qualities the number 7 signifies. I think you'll find a number of other symbolic and majestic qualities in each of these images. Enjoy.
iPhone digital image: 600 pixels x 800
Transparency in lightbox 2040 x 2600 mm
Private collection, Basel
"Based on a found scene, the quietness of Concrete ball reveals Wall's attention to pictorial composition. The concern here is not to represent an event, but rather to depict a generic urban landscape, without specific qualities and devoid of any drama. The perspective is carefully calculated and the central element responds to the curve of the road. The large scale of the work, proportioned to the human body, evokes a sense of immersion in the scene."
Are you fucking kidding me?! This is complete and utter bullshit, void of any artistic merit. If I or any artist or photographer took a photo of this thing, even if it was composed better, and went to a gallery and said, "Hey, would you be interested in what I consider a real work of art?" they'd look at it and laugh in our faces. The only thing going for this is the fact that it has Jeff's name attached to it. A friend of mine said, "My [3-year-old] takes better pictures."
Hit the road, Jack!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
To whom it may concern,
RE: Ocean Adventure Force
I saw your ad recently placed on Craigslist and was hoping you could help me as I have exhausted all traditional forms of assistance and wasted a lot of time and money trying to use ‘normal’ channels. To most people this will sound strange and maybe even made up, but I’m hoping from your ad that you will firstly believe me, and more importantly be able to help me. So here it is:
On weekends I volunteer at the Vancouver Aquarium where I help translate bubble patterns produced by Pacific Bottlenose dolphins (Tursiops truncate of the Delpinidae genus). Although still in its infancy as a scientific medium and not recognised by any major body I have devoted the last 12 years of my life to creating a language based on the patterns and can now confidently say that I can communicate with the dolphins in a rudimentary fashion. To get to the point; over the past 7 months the dolphins have been getting more and more agitated and expressive so using my patented translating device I have managed to deduce that there is something both very scary but also fantastical about to happen. What this event is, and how it can be linked to the dolphins is something I have yet to discover, however what I do know is that it involves Scallops and a little known (or understood) microbe called Filius Nullius which roughly translates as ‘The Bastard’. This microbe has the ability to enter a creature and alter its genetic structures in such a way that can be either beneficial, or detrimental to the creature involved. However it should be noted that numerous studies into its behaviour show beyond doubt (approximately 98.9% of the time) it is detrimental, hence it got its name.
If you think you can help avert this impending disaster and would like to know more then we should meet sooner rather than later as time is of the essence. Also you should be aware my funds are limited as I have already used up most of my available sources of income (including exhaustive prostitution and medical testing) and my body is now all but spent, however if you are who you say you are then the information you have just seen should kindle the kind of interest that demeans any kind of financial recuperation.
Yours in confidence,
[name not printed for privacy]
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The fascinating Dr. Grordbort has tantalized our puny minds for years with his incredible infallible aether oscillators. These ray guns, though fantastic, are extremely powerful(they can completely disintegrate a giant monstrousidon in less than 4 seconds) and are far too expensive for my pocketbook. Luckily however, I had the privilege of meeting the good doctor himself in San Diego and there, I had an exclusive hands-on demonstration of his "slave-class" ray-gun.
This gun, though less powerful than the others in the doctor's line of weapons, still commands respect! Thanks to scientific experimentation and years of research and advancements in imitation metals, scientists, engineers and designers have taken Dr. Grordbort's ambitious ideas and adapted and refined them so that you and I could in fact be proud owners of such a luxurious and prestigious item! Little known fact: Dr. Grordbort's personal assistant and ghost-writer Greg Broadmore is a conceptual artist for Weta. One of his designs is the exo-suit in District-9.
Get your Righteous Bison here!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
It's an Irish movie made in Slovenia and here's the synopsis:
"Follows a scorned geisha who creates a magical cup made of tears that causes any man who drinks from it to fall into a permanent sleep. One night the cup is stolen, setting off a chain of events that threatens civil war amongst the clans. Taro, a gifted samurai, sets out to find the cup and one who can break the spell."
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Friday, October 09, 2009
The other night my black cat puked on my lap. I wondered if it was bad luck. Turns out it was good luck because I just saw Muhammad Ali!! I was getting into work a tad late and I heard cheers coming from the Lululemon headquarters (which is just next door). I then heard someone on a microphone asking questions like "What was Muhammad Ali's birth name?" and "Who did he fight in The Rumble In The Jungle?" Knowing that The Greatest is in town I thought, "What are the chances he's here?" So I popped up to Lululemon and saw a little stage with boxing gloves sitting under a chair and a small crowd had gathered behind a velvet rope. I then knew that he'd be coming! After waiting about half-an-hour, he arrived! How fucking incredibly awesome is that?! I was literally 10 feet away from The King! Sorry about the low-quality of these iPhone photos. WHY COULDN'T I HAVE MY NIKON!?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I don't know what Criss Angel's like in real person, but I can't stand his Mind Freak show. Sometime's I'm captivated and held hostage to the show because it's like a train-wreck. The bullshit camera edits and actors all going "What?!?! Where'd he go?! How'd he do that?!" makes me just vomit all over myself. I usually rewind the trick back to show my 8-year old how the trick was done and most of his stuff is just camera trickery. I'm sure he can do card-tricks and rope-tricks and typical street-magician shit, but digitally removing cables and playing with the camera isn't magic. Take this bullshit for example. This is BRILLIANT!
Look at where the white scratches in the pavement are when he crawls out of the sewer. Then when he goes back to roll it up, you can see them lower in frame which means the camera's just cropped the man-hole out of the shot and someone off-camera placed the poster down. He should have just gone back into the sewer where he came from and belongs.
On a recent episode I saw him doing some magic in front of his Vegas show "Believe" and they had a poster for the show in the background. This poster in fact:
Is it me? Or has he just magically transformed himself into a boner? Here is an illustration I found that is quite magical.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Check out this British CBeebies series called "Grandpa In My Pocket!" It's about a boy whose grandpa has a magical cap that can shrink him and the boy then, yes, carries his grandfather in his pocket. That's the last place I'd put an old man! Be sure to roll over the show's logo in the upper-left corner for a special surprise!
Monday, September 28, 2009
I've been looking forward to this movie for an incredible amount of time. I just got the soundtrack and from listening to it, I think that the film is going to be fantastic. Dave Eggers script, Spike Jonze direction, and now Karen O (of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs) music! Talk about a triple threat! Not to mention that she recruited Bradford Cox (Deer Hunter and his solo project Atlas Sound; two of my favourite bands) and Aaron Hemphill of The Liars!
I've now listened to the album 3 times tonight and it's great! There's a reason why it's by Karen O and "THE KIDS". There's a lot of kids singing backup to many of the songs. This is a kids movie after all, so it's very whimsical, peppy and light in many of the compositions but there's a rough, raw, folk-like quality to it. I'd actually say there are some tracks ("Animal") where it sounds like musicians gobbled a bunch of mushrooms, danced around a fire chanting into night. Almost like a wild rumpus! Karen O also has some heart-wrenching sad ballads scattered within like "Worried Shoes" which tells me there's going to be a lot of emotional heart and sadness in this movie. After listening to this album, I am really intrigued at how these songs will blend with the story and I think we're in for a special experience. I think kids will feel like they've finally been treated to a movie that talks at their level directly instead of talking down to them. I think kids will feel, for the first time in movie history, respected.
UPDATE: I forgot to mention that the overall sound of the soundtrack is kinda like "Yeah Yeah Yeahs" meet "Arcade Fire" meet "The Go! Team." Also, Nathan Thomas has sent me this link where the entire album is streamed.
A couple of weeks ago I was presented this award from my client, Mattel. It's called The Golden Saber Award and to be honest, it's really cool! I received it for the work I've been doing as Series Director on the new Cartoon Network series Hot Wheels: Battle Force 5.
The award consists of a "gold"-plated vehicle (The Saber) mounted on a black engraved plexiglass "Battlekey" which is a really great touch (a battlekey is an important object in each episode).
Thanks to everyone at Mattel who put this together! AWESOME!
After watching this, I was even more excited because I have no idea what to expect!? This could just be one of the greatest parties I've not only hosted, but ever attended.
UPDATE: I'm a little pissed off actually because while watching this video for the 4rd or 5nd time, I noticed that the clock behind them skips about in time. The video is only 6 minutes but the clock on the microwave behind them seems to span over an hour through-out!? WTF!?! I honestly thought these 4 WACKY folks were improvising and telling me their experiences "on-the-fly", but it seems as though it may have been scripted, and maybe they did a few takes each time? If anyone has any inside scoop on this, it would really help me sleep at night. Are they really friends or just actors!? Either way, they really should start a sit-com together because they're really good together and I found myself in stitches!
A whole lot a minutes ago, probably millions, the Duncan Brothers released this classic video, THE DEEPENING! Now, the creators of other fantasbo flicks like "OVERDRIFT" and "BURN/N.E.N.E.R." are back with another release of THE DEEPENING, but this time it's a "Select Your Own Adventure" episode where you get to be the captain of this movie. Yes, you get to be the captain. Not me, not them, not your friend, but you! Have yous ever wanted to feel like an big-shot Hollywoods guys or gal? Now's your chance with THE DEEPENING: SYOA!
Friday, September 25, 2009
I was just visiting Spike Jonze's website for Where The Wild Things Are and was looking at some of his earlier posts. He had this classic skate video of his up and I watched it again for the 5th. The first time I watched this I was pretty stunned. If you haven't seen it, you're in for a treat. If you have seen it, it's worth watching again.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The live-action script adaptation of the amazing book "Monkey Beach" that Andrew Duncan and myself have been writing is finally seeing the light at the end of a fairly-long tunnel.
The novel is incredible and rich and it's been an honour to have the opportunity to adapt it. I don't believe author Eden Robinson has had an opportunity to read it yet, but I do hope she enjoys it and that we've done her awesome book justice. She herself tried to take a stab at writing the screenplay but gave up because she didn't know how to do it. To be honest, it wasn't easy choosing what stays and what goes as there's so much beautiful material crammed in its mere 388 pages that a 12-part mini-series could be made.
The script has just been pitched to a number of studios and it seems that there's a bit of a buzz! One biggish announcement that Andrew and I just heard was that the casting directors from Twilight and its sequel read the script and have attached themselves to it! There's a little website set up too that just went on-line.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
music and direction is even more terrifying
than the poster art.
Though it's been a while since I've seen this flick, I don't
remember the fish playing an integral part of the flick.
golden retrievers, black labs and cockerspaniels. People who
own these types of canines are living with time-bombs with fangs.
while traveling as a missionary. Seeing as it's god's
work, he decides that it's okay to take a Gideon's bible
from the side-table of his hotel room. Unfortunately,
the bible turns out to be cursed by a witch-doctor and
the missionary turns into a snaked-mouthed skeleton
who needs brains in order to live. Why a skeleton needs
to live is a mystery, but hey, that's what the movie's about.