Wednesday, June 11, 2008


A number of years ago, Rob Zabbo (actually me) sent this email off to Mainframe Entertainment's CEO, Rick Mischel, and Director of Entertainment, Kim Dent-Wilder to see what they'd say/do. Note: there were no pictures sent...

Hi Rob Zabbo here from Fooly Lips productions. Yes, good day to you. Listen fella, can you do me a kindness? Here's the dealio. I'm Rob Zabbo the producer from Zabbolicious Entertainment (nee Fooly Lips Productions) and I'm about to embark on a new infomercial campaign for my new line of deodorant "Zabb-A-Dabb Underarm Deodorant" and I need your help.

I understand that you are well-versed, if-you-will, in the art of computer animation, yes? This is true is it not? Well here's where YOU fit in. I would like to procure your services for what I am guessing would be a few day-or-so's worth of work. I don't have A CLUE about this stuff but I figure it's done by a computer, right!? Here's what I want you to do for me:

Somewhere in the infomercial (things still are being worked out here at Zabbolicious Entertainment production-wise) I want to see a full on computer-generated shot of three things:

1: It needs to look like that kind of computer made person that I saw in Final Fantasy (it's a movie and I want you guys to make it look like this quality. Assure me that you can do this!).

I want a man to wake up in a bed with the sun on his face and it's a great doo-dad morning for him. Computer birds are chirping outside his window and the wind blows the curtains through the open window. This is all in that computer style thing. His hair MUST be a complete misery-hole. He'll yawn, smack his mouth a bit and rub his eyes and reach for his deodorant on the sidetable beside the alarm clock or regular clock (whatever's easier to animate). He'll then open the lid and the scent (wavey green kind-of-see-through arrows) will waft up into his nose and his crazy morning hair will POP off of his head, spin and his eyes will POP out. I want to see his teeth kind of POP out of his mouth and jangle there like a crazy set of teeth and they'll jangle there for a moment before falling back into his mouth. Then, like a magic-man of the early 1920's, his face and hair will "pull-itself-together" and he'll look refreshed and ready for the day! He'll then wipe his armpits with the deodorant, put the cap back on and get up and out of bed, walk over to his mirror and look at himself and point at himself (his reflection however he is like a science-fiction space hero with a laser helmet under his one arm and his other hand is a galaxy-pincer!) and he says "Hey I'm Feeling Zabbtacular to the Zabbo-max! Thanks Zabb-A-Dabb Deodorant!"

BEAT -- off camera cat-call "hey handsome"-type-whistle gets our Zabb-man's attention he turns to look and then we see another "final fantasy-type" chicky-pie standing at the bed-room door (holding onto a sword and a crystal ball surrounded by smoke). She gives our Zabb-man a once over with her eyes and then she says "You smell like Zabbular" to which he'll reply "I am Zabbular." Then we'll super some text over the end that says "SMELL ZABBULAR!!!!!! BE ZABBULAR!!!!!!!"

2: Later on in the infomercial we want to show how the product works so we'll need to make a computer version of a man's armpit (complete with "Corky Flint" hairs). Then we need to see the stick of Zabb-A-Dabb deodorant being applied to the pit back-and-forth, back-and-forth and more arrows to represent the scent.

3: I need a typical DNA helix doing some kind of transformation but instead of it all taking place in a typical black void (sooooo overplayed) i want to take the DNA helix somewhere else like an evening poolside party with patio lanterns on our Zabb-man's patio in the summer. So here's what happens. The helix is sitting on the patio with a bunch of people. Everyone is enjoying themselves except for the helix because nobody wants to talk to him. The helix at this point in the show is all sweaty and gross. Nobody likes him. He's a rubbish-heap! Fireflies are blinking all around and he's somewhat drunk. Then, off-camera, we hear someone new coming to the party. The helix looks up and sees:

CUT TO: Poolside gate. The pool is inviting and lit-up. People are swimming and there's even a person walking around with a cigarette. At the gate arriving is a giant stick of Zabb-A-Dabb deodorant. Helix looks over in awe! The stick does a double-take to the camera and notices the helix. Fireflies blink around and one of them touches the helix and he lights up. Another firefly touches the stick of deodorant and it too lights up. Then both the deodorant and the helix kind of do one of those "Beam Me Up Scotty" things and they megamorph to under the water! TRANSITION TO:

Then we super a bunch of medical mumbo-jumbo words and show how science works to a tee! (i'll get my science guy to write this NOT YOU!). We'll see the deodorant and helix bonding, and maybe telling a good joke to one another. We need to see these guys bond and become really good friends.

Then we do another megamorph back to "reality" (remember our "reality" is actually still all of this computerized animation stuff that you will be doing for me) and we'll find the Helix is now in the pool (shallow end) with a bunch of girls. One of the girls will be twiddling with one of his "balls" (not around his groin...think as if he's got Fabio hair) and say "Oh Helix, You're Zabbular."

So that's about it. YOU TELL ME! Can you cook this baby up for me or will Zabbo take Zabbo's business (ie $$) elsewhere? How much would this cost and how many days? Do you charge by the hour?

Rob Zabbo
Zabbolicious Entertainment

Rick said "This guy sounds like he doesn't know anything! Hey Kim, pass this turkey off to Core Entertainment, for me will ya? Yeah, this guy doesn't sound like he has a clue about anything!"

I wish I knew whether or not the email got forwarded to Core. Ashley Bentham-Ramsay? Do you know?


RocketChicken said...

I love this fucking story.

Patrice said...

Nice post on deodorant & problems related to it.

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