BEYOND THE FOUL LINE

I took Kai bowling yesterday and I think someone spiked our cream sod'rs.

click image to play movie (01:45 - 3.5mb)

MY BIGFEETS

Here's just some of my Sasquatch collection. Maybe one day I'll post pictures of all of them outside in a forest-setting so that you will get the chills and your marrow will turn to ash.


Japanese yeti takes on a classic pose.


8x10 glossy of Andre The Giant as the Bionic Bigfoot.


Britain's updated Action Man comes face-to-stinky-face with THE YETI! This is the "Arctic Raver Mission: The Search For The Yeti" I'd love to have the original 60's/70's version where the yeti is a plastic blob that's about knee-high to "Joe." If you ever see one of these knee-high yetis, RUN! Don't even think twice! Just get the hell out of there!!!!!

This is a vinyl dudesquatch that I got in Austin, TX. He's kind of a take on the Bionic Bigfoot from the Six-Million Dollar Man.

A hand-made plasterish Dr. Who Yeti from Britain, a Japanese vinyl Ultraman yeti creep and three plastic 'squatches from the far and icy shores of Nanaimo BC. I wish I still had the bags for these buggers. Craig? Do you still have yours?

Terrible. Just awful. The posing on this guy is grotesque and terrible. His splayed hands, terrible leg proportions, stupid face, huge right big-toe makes me want to destroy this "action figure" every time I look at it. TERRIBLE! BOO-URNS to the creators of this disasterpiece.


From Mezco's Cryptozoology line of figurines. He comes with a footprint and wears a loin cloth. If that doesn't up the "Wow!" factor I don't know what will!


This stupid fucking Bigfoot action figure comes with "ink-padded" feet so that you can make your own tiny footprints. One of the cool things about bigfoot is the fact that his feet are huge? Why minisculize your product by drawing attention to how small his feet actually are in comparison to the real thing? This figure's a dime-a-dozen and can be found pretty much anywhere. I found mine in Charlie Sheen's fridge beside his vodka-pickles. I thought to myself, "What's it doing here? Should I steal it? What if Charlie catches me? If he catches me he'll wanna punch me out!" Then the thought of us fighting in his kitchen got me excited so I swiped it! He was busy having three cigarettes in his gazeebo and didn't find out so we didn't fight. It's a rather dull and kind of boring story really. Nice gazeebo though. I'll try and steal that next.


This is awesome. I had this when I was a kid. It's an AMT snap-together model kit that's still shrink-wrapped. I can still remember the glow-in-the-dark goop, skull femur and maniacal eyes and teeth and when you lift the bigfoot off of the swamp-base, there are footprints in the "mud."


This japanese muscle-bound fuck-face caught me off-guard and I only had enough time to snap off one picture before it headed off into the fake hobby-shop woods!

This is a vinyl from Bigfoot One whose stuff is really awesome! I need to buy some more of his art. Here's the one and only print of his I have (which I still need to get framed dammit!!):



I remember watching the Sid and Marty Krofft Power Hour just for Bigfoot & Wildboy (also known as the poor-man's Chewbacca and Luke). I bet that costume stunk as bad as the real creature. I haven't tried this puzzle yet because I don't want to take it apart to find I can't get it back together again.

I spent an evening with Jim Belushi about a year ago and he had a bunch of these Jeep ads laying around as coasters on his milk-crate living room table. He was sitting in his lazyboy (trying to read the manual to a new washer/dryer combo unit he just picked up) when I asked him if I could have one. Over the half-lit cigar the Belush says to me "What are ya? Some kinda mooch?" When he fell asleep I took one.

USELESS FLIM!!

In 1994 or so, Craig McEwen and I got ourselves jobs as "gutters" for Woodwards. We moved office furniture, equipment, filing cabinets etc from various floors down to an "auction floor" where Woodwards sold whatever they could. While working there, Craig ran up to me, white as a ghost, and uttered these words: "I FOUND THE MEDIA ROOM." He ran off and I immediately followed him up the dead escalators. Through the empty department store we ran, passing the defunct nurse's station/hospital wing until we arrived at a door which read "MEDIA ROOM." Craig lead me inside and there, before our eyes sat shelves of 16mm sound projectors, opaque projectors, over-head projectors, slide projectors, trays and trays of slides, projection screens, cameras, filing cabinets full of 16mm film, and a little box which read "USELESS FLIM." F-L-I-M. Craig and I love "useless flim." We piled everything onto 4 or 5 palettes, and asked our boss what a fair exchange in wages for the collection would be. He told us that he would look into it. Craig and I were willing to part with 2-weeks worth of wages EACH in exchange. A few hours later our boss said, "Gimme 10 bucks each and buy me some beer at the Cambie after work." We accepted of course and made true on our end of the deal. We eventually moved all this gear (and cockroaches) to Craig's parent's basement for storage. For years, a decade pretty much, Craig and I have made little mention of our "treasure trove" but it wasn't until earlier this week that Craig and I had to move the "gold" out of his parents' house and into mine. LOOK AT IT FOR DEAD BABY CHRIST'S SAKE!!!!!

This is just a sample. Here's an old-timey security camera that I am going to hook up to my iPod:


I will soon do a comprehensive cataloguing of this film. They are mostly wierd salesmen training films from the 50's, 60's & 70's and there are some really bizarre titles that intrigue me to no end. Here are just some of the titles:

I am going to have to break open one of the projectors and start digitizing the film. Stay posted because I'll be soon archiving our gold.

BIGFOOT, MY GRADE 1 PROJECT

In grade one, I had to do an assignment where we could do research on anything we wanted. I chose Bigfoot of course. My mother, thankfully, saved pretty much everything I ever did. My scanner is buggered right now so I photographed the pages.

10 out of 10!!! That's 100%!!! Top marks!!!
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The bigfoot on the right here is holding a car's motor. This picture was inspired by the Six Million Dollar Man action figure. On the box it showed Steve Austin lifting a motor.
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Toni Death. There were neighbours up the road named "Death" but they pronounced it "Deeth."
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Here's my skilled rendering of the famous Patterson footage!
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My teacher corrected my word "fur" to "footprint" which is wrong. I do remember a story from some TV show (probably Unexplained Mysteries) where a man found little patches of fur stuck to branches on the trees.
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This story was "made up." All the characters, the plane, "jeep" and "boat" are from Fischer Price's "Adventure People."
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Clearly you can see the differences between the monkey, gorilla and bigfoot. There's no mistaking them!
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I remember seeing a picture of what I now know as the "Minnesota Iceman." Sometime in grade 1 I did a science fair project. I took a teddy bear and put it in a box, covered the top with "plastic wrap" and said that it was a bigfoot trapped in ice. I got a "worst place" ribbon.
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I remember the billboard clearly. It was huge (maybe 20 feet high?--perspective is weird when you're a kid) and it had bigfoot holding a huge rock up over his head. I really wish my dad took a picture of this sign as the bigfoot in it looked really fucking cool. I think it was at a campground in B.C. called Bear Lake.
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My friend and I did find some footprints but they weren't sasquatch. We just really really wanted them to be.
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The bearded guy is my favourite but I think the coolest guy would be the guy with the tape recorder and check-mark above his head. The guy in the green shirt is alright (a little bit shifty) and the guy in the blue shirt is a complete ass.
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This man needs medical treatment stat!


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These trucks are really cool and I'm going to buy one sometime soon.
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"siy" = shy. "cild" = killed. The weird one on the right is sitting by the lake having a drink. He's going to be on everyone's t-shirt next week.


This is the back cover. It wraps over to the front cover with a sasquatch walking up the hill into the trees. The guy here is plugging his nose and saying "What's that smell?"

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What's amazing is the teacher's random corrections. There are so many spelling errors throughout but she only chooses to point out a select few.

I also had the opportunity to meet with one of the world's leading Bigfoot experts John Green at his home a few years back. I had brought this "book" for him to look at. It was pretty cool to have John Green reading my bigfoot "research" in his backyard. I have some video of this and when I dig it up, I'll post some of it.