THERE WILL BE BLOOD: A MOVIE REVIEW

RATING: 3.5-out-of-5 Thumbs Up (or 1.5-out-of-5 Thumbs Down).


Let's just say that there were soooo many good reviews for this movie and that people are nominating it in every possible category including "Best Craft Service" that I said to myself,
"Dammit! I gotta see this movie!" After all, it's got Daniel Day-Lewis who sky-rocketed to the top of my all-time favourite actors since that incredible performance as "Profion" in the epic fantasy Dungeons & Dragons. It was also adapted for the screen by the same man who brought you the incredible comedy Punch-Drunk Love, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Well, let me tell you something. I was torn asunder with this movie. I had no idea which way was up!?!

The director, Philip Seymour Hoffman

First off, for half of the movie, something kept nagging at me; a voice kept saying "something's not right. This is a terrible performance compared to that of Profion..." and I couldn't really concentrate on the movie and I hadn't really been paying that close attention to what was happening and the last time I asked the person next to me to fill me in as to who's who and what's happening I got called a retard so I kept stewing and stewing over and over like a run-on-sentence and that's when it hit me! It wasn't Day-Lewis in the cult-hit Dungeons and Dragons, but Jeremy Irons!

Sir Jeremy Irons gives everything he has as PROFION!

That's what's bothering me! I had made a HUGE gross mistake. What a drag! Sir Jeremy Irons is sooooo much a better thespian than Day-Lewis! Not only has my man Sir Irons done about 3 times the movies than Day-Lewis (so that's proof-in-the-pudding) but "Loser" Day-Lewis has NEVER been on a Dame Edna special (as Teen Wolf's Robert Bateman's character from Arrested Development, Gob would say, "COME ON!")

So now I've missed basically half the movie and the character that Day-Lewis was playing is now like an old man!? HUH? What the hell? I don't recall buying a ticket for Slaughterhouse 5!

Craig Vonnegut Jr.'s classic "The Slaughterhouse 5"

So instead of bugging the stranger beside me to ask what's going on, I decide to stick it out. I might as well watch the credits and see who the craft service person was (which by the way was Graham Sonnenberg, the person responsible for craft service in that ass-fest Grindhouse).
So while I'm watching this old man belittle people left-right-and-centre, I suddenly get one of those "EUREKA!" moments and realize that this old man looks just like Deaner from Fubar!

Paul Spence is giv'erin' it everything he has as DEANER!

What a complete rip-off! Not only did the director vagrantly plagiarize his script from an old book, but he had to steal his main character's look from an old movie!

Anyways, I don't know if it's worth watching or not. I found it disappointing for my own reasons. I highly recommend seeing it if you want to see what this movie's about.

two unknown actors from the movie that I saw

Click on the image below to enlarge this image.

BREW-HA-HA IN BETHLEHEM

In the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem (where Jesus was(n't) born) a gaggle of Greek Orthodox priests got into a brawl with Armenian priests. Bats, brooms and fists were a-flying! I wish I could have been there to watch!! That would have been one of the best fights to ever witness. Click on the photo of the religious freaks below to get the straight dope.

Jesus would be rolling over in his grave...wait...he didn't really have a "grave"...wait...he didn't really exist.

Ed Grimley: The Fella Who Couldn't Wait For Christmas

HONKBARN! 4

The latest episode of Todd Ramsay's Honkbarn! is out and it's the best of them yet. I may be a bit biased though considering that my son Kai and I provided some of the idiotic voices. Kai, myself and my 1-year-old watched the episode about 34,000 times this morning. Thanks for making us waste the morning away, Todd.

WITNESSES SEE "WILD MEN" IN CHINA

Along a river road in Xiangfan (Hubei Province of China), two witnesses say they drove around a corner and saw two "giant" dark "wild men" standing behind some bushes. They say one was approx. 1.7 meters (5'6") and the other 1.4 meters (4'8") and were covered in black fur. Personally, I'm 5'8" and I am not in any way considered a "giant" so I don't know how these witnesses get away by saying these things were "giant."

Investigators have found a series of footprints, the larger prints being 30 centimeters (12").

Get the official story here!

1/2-SQUATCH'S '07 TOP 7+3

Well '07 is almost a wrap and I want to wish everyone a happy new year and a merry x-mas (I don't put the Christ in x-mas). 2007 was a big year for me personally and for this terrible, just re-god-damn-diculous blog of mine. There were a lot of posts (200ish) and a bunch of new readers so I thought I'd take a spin in my time-machine and share some of my favourite personal entries...so here they are in no particular order:

10) My first Halfsquatch interview with the creator of ROM: The Space Knight!9) Though not a personal entry, just a YouTube snatch-n-grab, this pilot episode of Lookwell, starring Adam West made me extremely cheerful.8) My insanely detailed review of the insanely detailed Rocky action figures!7) A ghastly discovery of crypt-master Eddie Van Halen6) My breakdown and explanation of some randomly picked Family Circus comic panels5) The Busey Squid! The photoshop job that I did was a super-rush job but it did the trick by removing gangs from my neighbourhood.4) My rocket-powered electric scooter that I use to commute to work with 3) Oh Snap! I found an "Oh Snap" flow-chart on-line and it directly related to a project that I had been working on where all the characters said "Oh snap!" out of context all the time. Read the comments!2) The Canucks-Bot and part two The Canucks-Bot Mimics Emotionand finally
1) How to make a god damn moose call out of an empty tube of Pringles.0) My "Desert Island" picks which dared to showcase my drawring "ability"...
Honourable mention goes to the Jacobs Creature entry where it sat in Google's coveted #1 link for the search for about 2 weeks (I'm sadly sitting in 2nd place like a turd-hopping fuckface). Thanks to that, my usual average of 45 hits-or-so / day SKY-ROCKETED to 4,500 hits in one day! That's well over 2-double dozens than normal!!

Best of luck to everyone in 2008: The Year of The Future of Tomorrow!

INTERGALACTIC WAR UPDATE!

Your pal Beadle just emailed his astronomer friend David Gasson (a programmer at the University of Arizona's National Optical Astronomy Observatory ) the link regarding this galactic-feud-of-the-centuries and just got a response!

yes this is legit. Here's the official NASA press-release: http://www.nasa.gov/home/hqnews/2007/dec/HQ_07280_Death_Star_Black_Hole.html The Times of India put a rather, er, dramatic headline to it, didn't it ;-)? Most galaxies (including our own) have so-called supermassive black holes at their center, and these black holes can power a wide variety of interesting phenomenon including jets. These jets are streams of very high energy particles emitted by matter as it "rubs against itself" while falling into the black hole. The energies involved are absolutely titanic--some of the highest in the universe. It's also typical for galaxies to form in groups and therefore to be able to interact with each other (google "Antenna Galaxy" if you want to see a good example). So it stands to reason that somewhere, sometime, one of these galaxies with jets will cross the path of another galaxy. And that's what's happening here. The universe is a dangerous place. Google "supernova", "hypernova" or "gamma ray burst" if you want to learn more about the many ways we could die ;-). Isn't truth stranger than fiction? Cheers, David

There's a whole wack-load of groovy images and videos HERE!

REAL INTERGALACTIC WAR CAUGHT ON FILM!!

Not joking!! Just a mere 8.2 billion trillion miles away a giant black hole is pummeling a nearby galaxy with an onslaught of "deadly" radiation particles. Check out the article and another.

ALIEN SPACECRAFTS EXIST?

According to Japan's Chief Government Secretary they do! The BBC has more!

SKI-MOJO

British-made Ski-Mojo's are like shock-absorbers for your upper thighs, designed to alleviate stress on the legs allowing you to ski longer (and supposedly better). They cost around 600 clams (not sure if those are English clams). Personally, the little bum-scoop that cradles your butt looks a bit ridiculous but in a few years, I'm sure that this technology will be worked directly into pants. I assume (and hope) that they will work for snowboarding.

MY GREATEST DUNGEONS & DRAGONS STORY

A few years ago, a bunch of us from work would pile into a cold shack-like garage, gather around a billiards/ping-pong table and play Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, yes...nerrrrrrrrds, but who cares! We had a great Dungeon Master (Brett) who knew how to provide amazing and original adventures that went well beyond the usual hack-and-slash affairs. For the record, we weren't the kind players that would "speak in character." Just "I'm throwing an ax into the kobold's cock and balls!" "Okay, roll." "18! YES!" "The kobold's cock and balls are mashed in by your ax and he's down. Nice hit."

One of the characters, played by Kevin Gamble, was a wizard-like character who was more like an alchemist/scientist type character and for months, his character was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to use his special weapon: A primitive black-powder hand gun:

The weapon requires a lot of patience to use and needs three components. 1) The Gun 2) The bullets 3) the powder. Black-powder is needed and 1lb is required for one shot. The weapon takes 5 rounds to reload and the player must remain still whilst reloading. The user must have exotic weapon proficiency/firearms and there's a chance that the gun may not work or even explode. Needless to say, this weapon is rarely used and it's not uncommon for a Dungeon Master to outlaw them altogether from the game. But the weapon suited the character Kevin created so our DM allowed it and Kevin was ITCHING to use it but the opportunity to do so never arrived until months into the game.

So one one adventure, our party found ourselves needing to cross a rope & wood-plank bridge which spanned a fort's two towers. We had quickly disposed of the one tower's guards and now needed to cross over to another tower via this bridge. Our party met some resistance from the tower by way of some ranged weapons; crossbow bolts and arrows. Maybe some magic missiles? I can't really remember. We rolled for initiative (who gets to attack first) and I won. My fighter character (a Gnoll btw) wore magical "Wings of Flying" (what else are wings really good for?) so I quickly soared over the span and landed on the bridge just in front of the guards and began attacking. Kevin quickly pulled out his gun and began the long and tedious task of loading it. My team then started to fire their ranged weapons and I was in the cross-fire, being pelted heavily by friendly fire. I was quickly losing blood so I opted to drop off the bridge altogether and get out of harms way (I fell gently as I also wore a "Ring of Feather Fall! Sounds sissy but it saved my sissy flying ass many a time!). After 3 or 4 turns of loading this thing, Kevin's character was finally going to use this exotic weapon that his character had been bragging about from the beginning of the adventure and he was stoked! Kevin's character lifted the gun between the shoulders of two other party-members and excitedly yelled "SAY HELLO TO SCIENCE, BOYS!!!!" and pulled the trigger--which means, rolled the 20-sided die which turned out to be a "1." Which is a big miss. In our rules, a miss is a miss, and if you miss with a "1" it's a BIG miss and you have to roll again and the last thing you want is another "1" or something really bad is going to happen.
Kevin's second roll produced a "1." "FUUUUUCKKKK!!!!" Everyone erupted in laughter and Kevin's head sunk. The DM finally spoke, "Okay, Kevin, the gun backfires and explodes in your face dishing out 30 hit points worth of damage to your character. Andrew and Jason, your characters both get hit by the explosion causing 25 damage and 27 respectively. Andrew and Jason, you're going to both need saving throws against your dexterity or you'll fall off the bridge..." Both Andrew and Jason miss their saving throws and are launched off the bridge, falling 30 feet and lose more hit points. Kevin basically killed himself and two others all in the name of this science that he kept yappin' about.

THE MISFITS

I need to get this out: The Misfits suck royal cock and balls.

O'NEILL NAVJACKET

Check out this hi-tech jacket O'Neill is releasing in the Fall/Winter 08/09 season. O'Neill teamed up with GPS specialists MyGuide to create this awesome wearable technology which boasts an integrated navigational display on the sleeve and audio instructions in the hood. The display doesn't just give you a map of the slopes but can also display your speed, weather forecasts, 3D views of the resort, distances etc. The site doesn't say anything about an avalanche retriever beacon but I wouldn't see it being a hard thing to incorporate.

NATURE MILL'S AUTOMATIC INDOOR COMPOSTER

As you may or may not know, I am a compost junky. Not the kind of junky that shoots compost into his veins for a fix, but the kind of guy who gets some satisfaction in removing really rich soil from the bottom of the compost. Every two days or so, I throw a couple of buckets worth of vegetable trimmings and bread and coffee grounds into the compost in my backyard and every time I do so, I think "I can't believe how many people actually throw this stuff into the garbage!" I know that I'm fortunate enough to have a backyard in which I can do this and that for those living in apartments or condos, they may not have the means of doing so...until now! Check out Nature Mill's Automatic Indoor Composter!!!

Be sure to watch the video demonstration on their site. A friend at work said that it was a great idea and the only thing he'd change is that if it came without AC power so that it was a hand-cranking wind system--30 seconds of winding = 2 hours worth of mixing. Not a bad idea.


So maybe in the new year I'll have a Roomba, the anus-spraying butt-cleaning toilet seat
and one of these so I can just sit back and do absolutely nothing but watch my robotic house do stuff---like living in the year 4888!

THE ART OF DANIEL SIMON

Car designer, Daniel Simon has just released a great book full of sketches and digital renderings of some of his sci-fi vehicle concepts called Cosmic Motors. There is a great interview with him on CG Channel as well.

Yeti Footprints? Presenter Tells Of Amazing Find

(POSSIBLE) YETI PRINTS DISCOVERED

My cousin in Ireland directed me to a BBC article about a team of explorers who found what could be Yeti footprints near Everest. Click here for the BBC article.

RIP EVEL KNIEVEL - THE LAST OF THE GLADIATORS

LATEST STORM HAWKS EPISODE

I just wrapped up my 2nd episode of Storm Hawks and MAN!!! I can't believe how awesome the show looks. I can't show you anything just yet of course but when it airs I'll post a clip. I just wanted to give a HUUUUGE thanks to the animators, modelers, designers and post-visual crew for making this last episode BLOG-WORTHY! The post-visual crew went above and beyond their duties to make this episode crazy good.

ANOTHER DOPPLEGANGER

Look! I almost imploded when I saw this but thank god the guy was wearing sunglasses because if you look directly into the eyes of your doppleganger you implode upon yourself and explode your doppleganger. I don't know any other information other than what you see. A buddy sent it my way with the message: "Found this picture of you online and thought you had to see it. I saw it and thought, my god, Johnny's doppelganger is a Marine." UPDATE: My pal Paul added, "It's from a military forum. It's a USMC Force Recon guy. The second I saw it I was pretty surprised, of all the "it looks like so and so" that's the most separated at birth like pic I've seen in awhile."

My first reaction was that it was a photoshop job but who'd bother to waste their time photoshopping my face onto a marine/militia turkey? If you're gonna photoshop my face onto something make it something cool. Like this:

PIXAR'S SATIRICAL BUY'n'LARGE CORPORATE SITE

Pixar's next feature, Wall-E, is due out in the summer of '08, but you can get a glimpse at some of the movie's back-story through this satirical corporate Walmart-like website made by Pixar.
Their Buy N Large site pokes fun at everything from disclaimers and agreements, trends and world news. I particularly liked the news article about a new corporate punk band called "Re-Fi" which sings songs good spending habits and the best malls to find deals. Another good article is a movie review for "Mobius the Loopy" which is about a duck who can walk through time and was made by a company called Pix-Vue. Check their site out now!

Italian Spiderman Trailer

Zombie Kid Likes Turtles

I Kicked Burning Terrorist So Hard in Balls I Tore a Tendon

Best Headline Ever.A hero cabbie who took on Glasgow Airport terror suspects told how he booted one of them in the privates. Alex McIlveen, 45, kicked the man, whose body was in flames, so hard that he tore a tendon in his foot. But he said: "He didn't even flinch. I couldn't believe he didn't go down.

STEAMPUNK LAPTOP

Check out this cool steampunk laptop my friend Ken Henderson* sent my way for you to enjoy. From the site itself: "This may look like a Victorian music box, but inside this intricately hand-crafted wooden case lives a Hewlett-Packard ZT1000 laptop that runs both Windows XP and Ubuntu Linux. It features an elaborate display of clockworks under glass, engraved brass accents, claw feet, an antiqued copper keyboard and mouse, leather wrist pads, and customized wireless network card. The machine turns on with an antique clock-winding key by way of a custom-built ratcheting switch made from old clock parts."
To see more awesome pictures and video go to this site here!

*(I meant to post this a whole-shit-load-of-weeks-ago) CONGRATULATIONS goes out to Ken Henderson for becoming a published comic-strip creator/artist! His sports "funnies" The Straight Jab can be seen weekly in the Georgia Straight's sports section as well as seen here!
He also has another sports strip called Offside Sports which can be seen on his site here.

FLORIDA SKUNK APE

The people of Glen St. Mary, Florida report hearing and seeing an ape hiding out in their woods. This isn't new news. People have been reporting sightings of the "Skunk Ape" for over 100 years but only now is it seeming to attract media attention. Loren Coleman, over at Cryptomundo has much more to offer....

http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/glen-fl-ape/

A DARING HEIST

While renovating the Halfsquatch headquarters earlier this month I found a small wooden panel on the wall. It was hiding behind the safe. I pried open the panel and found a metal box which read "Useless Flim" [sic]. Inside were a number of reels including this one here:

YOUTUBE NOW IN CANADA!!! YAAAAYYY!!!

HOW AWESOME!!! Finally, we Canadians no longer have to cross the border into America in order to use the amazing internet video posting site YouTube. For many of us Canadians, it's a dream-come-true to finally have access to this site which has proven to be very popular with our American neighbours. When I received a telegram about about this exciting news, I tapped a work-mate on the shoulder and said "HEY! YouTube is now available in Canada!" to which he replied "What's YouTube?" Oh man, is his life is going to change or what?!?!!!!! Now if only we could get the internet itself routed into Canada!!!

JACOB'S CREATURE: A MANGY OLD BEAR? pt. II

I've been looking around and snoopin' about and studying the Jacob's Creature photos for some time and even though I really wish we had conclusive photographs of a sasquatch, I'm not entirely convinced. Look at this fancy bear below.


I chopped off its head and applied it to the photo below for comparison to what I think could be a bear (albeit a scrawny one). Don't get me wrong, when I look at the photo below I do at first glance admit that it looks primate but if you look at what is supposedly its head (click on the pictures to biggerize them)...


If it is a bear I see that it's nose is hiding behind its left forearm as if it were licking the inside of its elbow. Here is a photo that was posted at the BFRO of a mangy old bear. Poor sack of skin and bones. If I didn't know it was a bear I may have thought it was an ill hyena. We have better lighting, clearer photography to help us determine that this is not the case. At another angle, under starker lighting conditions and grainier film, who knows how similar to a primate it could look, especially if the head was out of sight?


The other photo of the creature shows a lump on the ground. Some people have been saying that this is its head. I don't see how this can be the case. Very very odd proportions. Too odd to be correct. So what is it? It wasn't there in the previous photo? I think it's a bear cub. Hey we have photos of bear cubs already. 30 seconds is enough time for an enthusiastic little cub to run up to its mother and start squirming around in the deer phermones. Again, just my opinion. I would love to have proof otherwise but I don't think this is gonna do it.