Friday, August 17, 2007

OH SNAP!

I just finished working on a Saturday morning cartoon called "Chaotic." It's a poorly written show that features a bunch of really boring kids who yammer on and on about a game they play and their favourite catch-phrase/saying is "Oh snap." Not only is this saying stupid and so behind-the-times but it's used all the time and always out of its original context. Everyone who works on the show moans whenever they hear it and 90% of the people say something like "What does that even mean??!?!!!" Today, while wake-boarding the net I found this:


Can someone please forward this to the writers of Chaotic and 4kids! (especially Michael)?

7 comments:

sass gordon said...

I hope someone hands it to him and when he looks up from it they yell, "OHH SNAP!!!!"

Honkbarn said...

I think it would work well if Maxxor grabbed Kaz's head and delivered that line while snapping his neck, paralizing him for the rest of the series. They could even re-use Reginald Tevingstons wheelchair.

sass gordon said...

mmmmm, reggie. what a saucy minx.

Johnny Darrell said...

HA HA HA! That's hilarious all three of you! Reginald Tevingston is actually a very nice kid. I presumed him to be a pompous asshole just through stereotyping him. If I were to write an episode of Chaotic, it would go like this:

TEASER:

Reggie is on Earth. His wheel-chair lift to his room is being repaired so he goes to Kaz's house (on Earth) and he convinces the Earth Kaz to teleport to Chaotic. The real Earth Kaz teleports both he and Reggie together at the same time (Kaz sits on Reggie's lap/wheelchair).
END TEASER

ACT ONE:

When the two arrive in Chaotic, the two have fused together as one disasterous hybrid creature-child. Kaz (the real Kaz that's been living on Chaotic for months without bathing) goes into a cardiac arrest because Chaotic cannot handle two versions of one person teleporting into Chaotic even if that doppleganger is fused with a crippled boy. The doppleganging cripple-boy creature looks at the lifeless red-headed OCD child and says "Oh snap!", and makes his way across the Port Court. As he passes hundreds of kids sitting at empty tables doing nothing, he sees his reflection in the Portcourt floor and realizes that he's a disasterous freak of nature and silently, to himself says "Oh snap." Then he says out loud, "I know, I'll port to the Mepedian Oasis as a form of gulag, rid my disasterous existance in a Mepedian sink-hole. But first, just one last game of Chaotic. He wheels himself up to Klay and says "Hey bitch! Let's get Chaotic!" Klay is floored.
End Act 1.

Act 2:

The Kaz/Reggie thing is in "Battledrome Epstein". Across from him is Klay and Krystella. They are setting up their gameplay battleboard whilst they argue: Kaz/Reggie/Creature says "Whuzzup with the homey-bitch, bitch? Whuzzamatta? Can't go mano a mano Holmes? Gotta bring your mom!?" Krystella bursts into tears--that's how weak she really is. Klay, in his accent that the actor puts on, says "Huh? It's just a simple matter of fairness. You're two!? Surely you don't expect me to come into Battledrome Epstein outnumbered? That's why she's here you fuck! Fuck you Kaz. Fuck you and Reggie! Fuck the two of you and your fuzed wheelchair together at the same time." The rotating Chaotic symbol hovering above them says "Oh snap!"

The now noticeably degenerating, wheezing and laboured Kaz/Reggie/Creature says "That's easier done than said! Antideon fucks with Frafdo in Prexxor Chasm!" Klay: "Let's get GAYotic!!!"

All fourish of them push the battleboard "go" button and a windless ribbon envelopes them all--magically wisping them away to Prexxor Chasm. They battle. Eventually Frafdo/Klay/Krystella get blown off a cliff and falls to their certain death. End ACT 2.

ACT 3.

Frafdo/Klay/Krystella fall from a cliff towards some very sharp crystals. "VINESNARE!" A bunch of vines whip from Frafdo's hands and wrap around a tree branch hanging from the cliff wall. The branch cannot support their momentumous weight and snaps. Frafdo falls towards the crystals and impales himself, bursting to code.

Cut to: Battledrome Epstein. Everyone ports back. Klay and Krystella are FUMING! The writer of this episode cannot think of anything witty for them to say so they just storm out of there. The kazz-cripple thing says "Who's next?" "Us is!" The camera whip-pans over to reveal the god-damn Chaotic Kings, lead by their new leader RJ. "Where's Drake?" wheezes the Kaz-thing which now begins to puke upon the floor. Through final dry heaves he says "What happened to my old friend Drake??" RJ replies "Let's just say he got owned!" Kazz-thing says, "Oh SNAP!!!!" (Suddenly out of nowhere a laugh track is introduced into the series for the first time. It actually makes the show easier to watch! Less painful somehow.) RJ says "Let's get Idiotic!" (laughter)-- They begin to transform. RJ turns into Deehna "Fuck! I thought Deehna was the big fire demon thing! FUCK!" and Kaz-creep accidently loads in a scan of himself that he took of himself naked while on Earth when he first got the scanner. "Oh no! What have I/we done?!??!" Fake audience laughs mixed with "oooooohhhhs."

End ACT 3.

ACT 4:

"OH NO!" The transformation ribbon starts to envelope Kaz/Reggie and they are transformed into a naked kaz. The audience 'WHOOPS!!!' The Chaotic Kings giggle like school-girls and point at a zit-backed Kaz.
Deehna in the meantime looks directly at Kaz's wee-cock and the red pubes that surround it. Deehna says "You win. I forfeit this match." She re-hits the battleboard button and retransforms back into RJ. "Fuck this noise!" RJ grabs his scanner and makes his way over to the grotesque, naked Kaz, grabs his scanner and lifts it over his knee and says "OH SNAP!" just as he slams the scanner onto his knee and snaps it in two. He leaves. Kaz, naked, cold and alone; virtual to boot looks down at his broken scanner. In doing so he sees his naked reflection in the highly glossed battledrome floor. Through high-tech editing techniques, a super-imposition of a fully-dressed Kaz stares back at him. A flash-cut of Reggie fades in and out in front of Kaz. A small chuckle from the fake audience laugh-track fades quickly in but is gone as fast as it arrived. Then the fuzed-crippled kaz/reggie creature fades in. Louder reaction from the audience. They're on the verge of exploding. The rotating talking Choatic symbol says "Oh well, Bardel-luck next time!" The fake audience almost laughs but their efforts are quickly replaced with woeful groans. Fade to black.

Mark said...

Johnny, This is an episode worth making! By far the best Chaotic script yet, especially with the fire breathing 'Deehna'. Can't wait to read the next 27 seasons of 40 episodes that you must be puking out right now.

Anonymous said...

Boy does anyone know which country Chaotic started out in?

Johnny Darrell said...

Boy, I'll tell ya. It's originally a Danish product. Boy, there's also a great little thing called "Wikipedia" which can give you more on Chaotic's exciting origins!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaotic