EDDIE VAN HALEN

I've never liked Van Halen, but somehow I happened across this picture of Ed and was quite startled. I was physically jolted and feared for my life. It was barely a nanosecond but I honestly thought that the jpg might actually come to life and Eddie might reach out from my laptop's screen and try smothering me with his ghastly ghoulish hands. You can quite easily picture a serpent's tongue flickering in-and-out, hear and smell a ghastly raspy hiss from his rancid rotting esophagus. It almost looks like he just sprayed a venomous blast on someone off-camera.


Once my heart settled and my brain unthawed from sheer fright (for Dungeons & Dragon players, it was the equivalent of being touched by a wight) and realized that it was just a picture, I tried to figure out just who he reminded me of. Of course my initial thought was "MONSTER!" but then I became rational and thought hard. "Where have I seen this guy before?" Then it hit me. An epiphany if you will:

It all makes perfect sense! Eddie is Eddie. The Iron Maiden mascot, Eddie is pretty much a kind of rocker-zombie. The Van Halen guitarist is pretty much a kind of rocker-zombie.

Your typical rocker-zombie attire.

Eddie poses with his upcoming feast.

Nice boots, chief, nice boots.
Your typical rocker-zombie foot.