Friday, December 28, 2007


RATING: 3.5-out-of-5 Thumbs Up (or 1.5-out-of-5 Thumbs Down).

Let's just say that there were soooo many good reviews for this movie and that people are nominating it in every possible category including "Best Craft Service" that I said to myself,
"Dammit! I gotta see this movie!" After all, it's got Daniel Day-Lewis who sky-rocketed to the top of my all-time favourite actors since that incredible performance as "Profion" in the epic fantasy Dungeons & Dragons. It was also adapted for the screen by the same man who brought you the incredible comedy Punch-Drunk Love, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Well, let me tell you something. I was torn asunder with this movie. I had no idea which way was up!?!

The director, Philip Seymour Hoffman

First off, for half of the movie, something kept nagging at me; a voice kept saying "something's not right. This is a terrible performance compared to that of Profion..." and I couldn't really concentrate on the movie and I hadn't really been paying that close attention to what was happening and the last time I asked the person next to me to fill me in as to who's who and what's happening I got called a retard so I kept stewing and stewing over and over like a run-on-sentence and that's when it hit me! It wasn't Day-Lewis in the cult-hit Dungeons and Dragons, but Jeremy Irons!

Sir Jeremy Irons gives everything he has as PROFION!

That's what's bothering me! I had made a HUGE gross mistake. What a drag! Sir Jeremy Irons is sooooo much a better thespian than Day-Lewis! Not only has my man Sir Irons done about 3 times the movies than Day-Lewis (so that's proof-in-the-pudding) but "Loser" Day-Lewis has NEVER been on a Dame Edna special (as Teen Wolf's Robert Bateman's character from Arrested Development, Gob would say, "COME ON!")

So now I've missed basically half the movie and the character that Day-Lewis was playing is now like an old man!? HUH? What the hell? I don't recall buying a ticket for Slaughterhouse 5!

Craig Vonnegut Jr.'s classic "The Slaughterhouse 5"

So instead of bugging the stranger beside me to ask what's going on, I decide to stick it out. I might as well watch the credits and see who the craft service person was (which by the way was Graham Sonnenberg, the person responsible for craft service in that ass-fest Grindhouse).
So while I'm watching this old man belittle people left-right-and-centre, I suddenly get one of those "EUREKA!" moments and realize that this old man looks just like Deaner from Fubar!

Paul Spence is giv'erin' it everything he has as DEANER!

What a complete rip-off! Not only did the director vagrantly plagiarize his script from an old book, but he had to steal his main character's look from an old movie!

Anyways, I don't know if it's worth watching or not. I found it disappointing for my own reasons. I highly recommend seeing it if you want to see what this movie's about.

two unknown actors from the movie that I saw

Click on the image below to enlarge this image.


sass gordon said...

Hey, sorry to be a nerd and comment to point out a mistake, but, the director is Paul Thomas Anderson, not Phillip Seymour Hoffman...that's the guy that played Capote.

Johnny Darrell said...

Right. Paul Thomas Anderson was amazing as Capote. If you haven't seen the documentary on the filming of Don Capote "Lost In La Mancha" you are truly a chump! Talk about a cursed movie! I really felt sorry for Terry William.

patrick said...

finally got to see the infamous There Will Be Blood... Daniel-Day Lewis' performance was top-notch. He takes well to the overbearing, violent father-figure role -- he also did this in Gangs of New York.

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Anonymous said...

I don't get it... is the review *supposed* to be stupid and riddled with errors? If so, then I love it. Otherwise, sloppy work.

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