KNIFE FIGHT

Two weekends ago I found myself in a bad situation -- a knife fight. Fortunately I was wearing my wrist band with metal eyelets and I was able to deflect a number of slashes without any injury but by the end of the first half-hour, I sustained 3 slashes to my chest and shoulder and a deep gash to my knife hand. Near the one-hour mark I made a serious mistake. Having watched Mr. Steve Brule's Last Resort Fighting I decided to try out his techniques. I went with tip #1 "Kill 'Em With Kindness" and told him that he smelled nice but that only enraged him more; calling me a "queer-fagging honey boy" just before he landed another successful slash. I knew by the look in his eyes that tip #2 "Playing Possum" was not an option and I would have to rely on what I knew; a good solid kick to his cock and balls with one of my steel-toed work boots but I missed my mark and ended up off balance. My attacker took advantage of my clumsiness and plunged his knife right into my spine. I'm not going to lie to you, it hurt.

Now if only I had seen this video instead of Mr. Steve Brule's. This guy has everything worked out and I think he and his friend are pretty radical guys who know what the hell they are doing and want out of life and to top it all off their video offers a very special treat at the very end. If you're an editor from the 90's you'll know what I mean.