OVERHEARD AT IKEA...

I found myself quickly dashing into Ikea to get one thing and while quickly following "the arrows" I passed a husband and wife and child. The husband looked like a muscle-man (let's call him "Muscles" from now on), the wife, average Plain-Jane (let's call her Jane from now on) and their son (let's call him "L'il Bugger-Face from now on), about 2, was a curly long-haired red-head with bloodshot eyes, a cold and was wearing a god-damn tie! Who knows, maybe they just got out of god-damn church? I don't know.

So anyhoos, Muscles and his family are walking through Ikea and he says (and I'm quoting him word-for-word) "They got EVERYTHING here!" My first thought as I passed him was "first time in an Ikea?" and then, after a beat I hear him continue, "Everything you could POSSIBLY imagine." I had to turn around and take a look at this guy and his face was that of extreme confusion and awe. I phoned my buddy John Dryden (let's just call him Fuck-face from now on) to tell him what I just heard and he laughs and laughs and says that Ikea's new slogan should be "Ikea: We have everything a muscle-man can possibly imagine."

Just one sample of the many things a muscle-man can think of.