Thursday, February 28, 2008


I've been looking forward to this sequel for a long time...I can't wait!


Writer, Dave Eggers has opened a store on Sunset Blvd., in LA. that sells fake time-travel related products. Hit the site and see all the product!


I fucking hate this blogging thing, so this is my final post. I'm super hungover and I ran out of things to think about and I got no time to do it and also the whole things gay. GAAAAYY!!! I got better things to do with my time like paryting. Like Paul Stanley from KISS said it best, "I wanna rock and role all night and part of every day." No truer words have ever been spoken.

Later dorkwads! Jamie "THE HATCHET" Hatchens.


Wednesday, February 27, 2008


I picked this wicked guy up at a head shop on Broadway here in Orangeville a few months ago because the guy finally had it on sale for $30 which it used to be $50. I have him sitting in a display cabinat and it looks so fucking awesome every time I look at him. It's about a foot tall and its a skeleton playing guitar. The neck of the guitar has a horse skull and its eyes are rubies. He has rubies in his eyes too which make him look fucking choice. A buddy told me that you can get the whole band like a singer, and a bass guitar and a drummer which would be my first choice but I've never even seen them so it could just be a fucking myth. If its true then the drummer's kit would probably have real brass cymbals or if it doesn't then it fucking SHOULD!

I'm a bit of a loose cannon on this one. In some ways it's fucking right on but sometimes I fucking hate it. I bought it at a garage sale years ago and a friend from juvie painted the skull on the saddle bag and his jacket which totatlly rocks harsh. My friend also took the picture. He also painted the road lines too so it looks like he's riding on the street. What i hate about this thing is that the bike looks like a sagging pair of old-lady shit-tits that I don't ever want near me. Seriously, look at how fucking not choice it is. The other thing is his stupid bandana. I asked my buddy to make it a Canadian flag but he didn't. I keep thinking to myself that one day i'll just do it myslef but because of my fucking hand injery it'll look like a jack-ass from grade 3 did it. I got about 8 more skeleton statues that I don't care about writing about.

This is my step-dad, Wayne. WANYER!!!
Youre looking fucking rough, buddy!


Frank Frazetta is the greatest fucking artist on the planet. I have this Death Dealer poster hanging on my wall and i've had it since i was 17. It is by far the most fucking leathal thing i've ever seen EVER. There's a movie coming out about Frazetta and it looks killer. Gotta see this in the theaters when its out and you can bet I'll be high as a fucking skunk!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


This just some of my daggars that I have. They all come with leather cases and theres this blade attachment that slides into the slot so it has three blade edges. Their all the same (i don't know why i have more than one that is the same as the rest. I guess is its because there so stellar that I had to get more than one.) I keep them scattered in seceret places in my apratment and you should see me thorow these things! BULLSYE HIT ALWAYS, BUDDY! NO JOKE because they are really well ballanced and because of the blade attachment is its like it has wings I guess. You should see my walls. I got these about a year or so ago at a flea market on highway 9 between Caledon and Brampton here in Ontario. I was drywalling and being payed in cash so I was kind of rolling in the biscuits so I figured when is the next time I'm gonna be able to afford to buy a bunch of daggars at once? So 400 fucking bucks later and bob's you're fucking buddy and i cleared the guy out of his invantory. I know i can't fucking spell so sue me! These are some of my older knives, have a look.


(Sorry Hatch, but this is just too cool to pass up on!)

Adobe is releasing a multi-lens camera that takes 19 pictures at once and stores it onto a single frame. The results are revolutionary. Watch the video to see how this multi-lens will affect the way you recompose your shots after the picture's been taken. It's only going to be a matter of time until this is applied to motion cameras!

Go here to learn more about how Adobe's camera works.


Johnny here. Sorry Hatch, I know Halfsquatch is yours this week, but I just had to get this in!!

Thanks Kevin Webb

Monday, February 25, 2008


OKAY! The Hatchet here!!! This week I'm calling it HATCHSQUATCH!!! Actally Johnny came up with that one and its really true. Look at the bannar I made at the top! I used a porgram called Gimp to do it in because my photoshop's a peice of shit right now but it still looks totally wicked.

Here's my favorit band in the entire world: MANOWAR!

Guitarist David Shankle says it all in part three of the video's below: "We are not hear to jam. We are not hear to rock, we are hear to KICK FUCKING ASS and to kick everything to the max, take no shit, leave no grounds, don't back up, drive on forwards, kick fuckin ass! its the kind of experience we want to lift the fucking roof off the building. If the place blows up and we all die on stage, so be it! What better death can anybody have? Metal is it! Metal is blood! Metal is life. It's the type of thing where if you don't strap your fucking nuts to your leg there gonna get blown off."

Its fucking true too. Their's metal and then their's MANOWAR. If your not into them its because you don't even know! Watch these movies of them and if you arent not a fan by the end then you are an reject and YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!

Sunday, February 24, 2008


Hey y'all, because I'm super swamped with other things (power-washing my deck, directing a cartoon, being a dad, pleasuring my wife, and replacing the latch on our front fence) I've decided to let a friend look after Halfsquatch for a full work-week. It was hard for me to decide who would be best suited for the job, but, perhaps it was more than just coincidence, an old school mate contacted me through Asspamphlet (it's like Facebook but not as good). I hadn't heard from him in almost 18 years and when I asked him if he'd be interested in looking after Halfsquatch for a week, he said "Fuckin' rights, that'd be cool." So, without further ado, here is your new keeper of Halfsquatch, Jamie Hatchens!

Hi. My name is Jamie Hatchens but my buds call me "Hatch" or I'm also go by "The Hatchet." Im a guy from Orangeville Ontario and I work for a Coca-Cola distrabuting plant, loading pallots of soda onto trucks. Good money cause its union and all. So Johnny asked if I'd run this thing of his so I said yeah and now I'll be out to fucking rock you into orbit! I really have anything in mind at all and all day i was racking my brain trying to think of somehting that would be fucking awesome so my girl says something like write what you now about and love so thats when i decided! My trcuk.

Look at this:

Can you even belive it? This is my pride AND my joy. It fucking hauls serious ass. I got a buddy of mine to do up some deckals for it to make it One in a million. No one has this Dodge at all. First, I put UNLIMITED TIRE TEAM on the doors. Its an inside joke that the guys and me do. "UTT!" Don't ask. You won't even get it. On the hood I did this

FUCK OFF!!! I'm laughing my ass off right now cuase its so awesome. If you click on the pitcher it will be made bigger so you can see it beter. Ha ha ha ha! Awesome."UTT!" I then also got these done on both sides of the truck

You don't even know! Ha ha ha! Fuckin' right and look at the salute i 'm giving you! You don't even know! IThe words are made up with stick people. Originilly it was stick people in sex positons but it was harder to read. This is still right the fuck on though. I also put this one the gate You don't even know but if you call this number you won't get anyhone cuz its just a fucking joke that me and my buddies made up. It says If this vehicle is seen driving irradically dial 1 800 eat-shit. So awesome. My buddy came up with that one one night and it stuck. I like it and if you look at the word irradically you can see the word radical in it which is fuckin right the fuck on. I don't have a piture of of the other side (so sue me, i'm an idiot for not taking the piture) but it says in the same kind of letters These Tires are ALWAYS for sale. Again, its another inside joke that fucking rocks (UTT!!!!). I laughed my ass off so hard when we put that on my truck and you don't even know! I gotta go.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


Tonight the Vancouver International Mountain Film Festival got invaded by hundreds of people who literally packed the theatre to standing-room only to see Murray Siple's new documentary Carts of Darkness. I've been waiting to see this movie now for a few years since Murray first posted his original short trailer for the film and I have to say, COD went waaay beyond my expectations.

Murray Siple

The people in Murray's documentary are great and I laughed my ass off so many times. The whole theatre was cheering and laughing and applauding throughout the whole movie. Murray treated these guys with respect and dignity and got deep into their lives and world. The movie has the thrills and edge-of-your-seat action that you'd expect by watching the trailer, but it also has a lot of heart and insight and a really great ending. REALLY GREAT ending. The theatre was roaring with applause and cheers in the final scene. AMAZING. No one saw it coming and everyone was stoked!

Big Al and Fergie were there to see themselves on the big screen.

Produced by the National Film Board of Canada, Carts of Darkness features great cinematography, great portraits and great music by (one of my fave bands) Black Mountain, Bison, Ladyhawk and Alan Boyd (of Little Sparta). This is going to be a HUGE hit. CONGRATS MURRAY!!

Friday, February 22, 2008


A little while back I went to Richmond on an errand with my '68 Ranchero. I know, I know, why on Earth would ANYONE go to Richmond, BC. Well, it was a Craigslist thingy. I picked up what I went to get and as I got into my car I thought, "Jesus 'cock'n'ballz' Christ, I really should wear my seat belt's shoulder strap. This is Richmond for ass sake! If anything can go wrong in a day, it'll happen here in Richmond." I didn't normally take to wearing the shoulder-strap but it was a good hunch indeed because while sitting at an intersection, waiting for the light to turn green, and WHAM!!!!! I got rear-ended! What the hell!?!?

So the tail-gate of my Ranchero was all buggered and so was my passenger-side brake/indicator lighting and the bumper was crumpled up like Dog the bounty hunter's face. In other words a complete disaster.

Seeing as there was no way I was responsible, I got ICBC to cover all costs and after looking about for a body shop for weeks, I went with 24 HR. Collision Center. My first reason for going with these guys after seeing their website was because unlike every other shop, they actually responded to my email unlike the other 200 places I contacted.

So basically, long-story short, they took my car's ass from looking like this:

and made it look like this:

Thursday, February 21, 2008


With this bed and the helmet below in my previous post, I would be able to RULE THE WORLD with the greatest of ease! Oh, and like the Rhino from that old Spider-Man episode, I'd need to steal a bunch of gold and make a statue of myself. I don't know how that helps in ruling the world, but The Rhino thought it would work.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


Being able to control a computer with your mind is the ultimate quest of human-machine interaction -- Nam Do, CEO of Emotiv Systems.

Emotiv Systems have developed a thought control helmet for gaming. It's called EPOC and apparently you can control any game on your PC through thought, emotions and expressions. It's supposedly only about three-hundred clams and is due out near the end of this year.

According to Emotiv's press release:

"The neuroheadset is a lightweight, sleek and easy-to-use wireless device, featuring sensors that detect conscious thoughts, expressions and non-conscious emotions based on electrical signals around the brain. Emotivs technology processes these signals, enabling players to control their in-game characters expressions or actions and influence gameplay using their thoughts, expressions and emotions."

Innovate or Die - Aquaduct: Mobile Filtration Vehicle


thanks Supertouch!

Michel Gondry just had an art show at Deitch Projects, a contemporary art gallery in NYC to accompany the release of his new film Be Kind, Rewind. Michel brought in the sets, costumes and props used in the movie and even reworked the exterior of the gallery to look like the little video store featured in the movie. The cool thing about the whole thing was that he allowed the visitors to pose, play and interact with the sets and props.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


If there's one thing I hate it's mosquitoes. They are the bane of my existence. My mortal enemy. I hate them and they hate me and we'll never see eye to eye--EVER. I also hate mosquito repellent oils and "Off" and the chemically smell of those citrus candles so what can I do? Carry one of these lil' fuggers around!

The MC3 is a key-chain-sized little transmitter that emits the ultrasonic sound frequency of the beating wings of a dragonfly; the female mosquito's worst enemy.

10 years ago, on a radio program, some dude was yammerin' on and on about how he's invented a pager-sized mosquito repellent and I've been looking for them since. Well here they are but the company won't ship outside of the fuggin' States and Googlin' 'bout the interiorwebnet for alternative dot-shoppes is proving a difficult task. COME ON!


My wife and I aren't really the kind of parents that go and buy toy guns for our kids but this is pretty freakin' cool! It's about 40 clams and it uses 6 D-sized batteries and is a 25-dart belt-fed fully automatic machine gun. The tri-pod is retractable and the little darts whistle through the air when fired. There are also accessories for the thing such as the Tactical Light attachment which is some kind of green "night vision" scope.


My buddy Kevin Gamble went to the KidScreen Summit in NYC and met Yo Gabba Gabba's DJ Lance! Yo Gabba Gabba is one of the best shows on TV for little kids and DJ Lance is awesome!

Sunday, February 17, 2008


I was looking for a file on an old cd-rom and found this. It's very old, but it still makes me chuckle.

Thursday, February 14, 2008


There's a new chair on the market designed by Lund and Paarmann called the Lobster Chair and it looks pretty smashing.

I'm a sucker for nice chairs for some reason. I was "this close" to buying a ball chair this weekend but I held off to take some measurements first to see if it would actually get up my staircase.

Sadly, my staircase is 1" too narrow and the ball chair will not fit. I still might get it though and just hope my staircase magically widens itself for the chair. I've been eying The Eames lounger now for about an eon and everytime I see it I want it.

I am also in need of a good egg chair so if you're tossing yours out, I'll take it.


thanks Kevin Webb!
A new documentary that's coming out soon. Here's a synopsis from the website itself:

Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie provides a look at the trials and triumphs of life in the Appalachian foothills. Through the experiences of Dallas and Wayne, two amateur bigfoot researchers in southern Ohio, we see how the power of a dream can bring two men together in friendship and provide hope and meaning that transcend the harsh realities of life in a dying steel town.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


I just posted a piece about Jeff Wall and while image-hunting for some of Wall's work, I stumbled upon this photograph by Michael Yon. Immediately I was stunned and moved and so I did a little google search for it to get more info and found it on Michael Yon's website.

Until now I haven't heard of Michael Yon or wasn't familiar with his work. According to Yon, he's not a journalist. He's an author, photographer, blogger and former Special Forces soldier. Here's a direct link to the details surrounding his photograph, Little Girl.


In 1990, I came to Vancouver for the summer to visit my folks (I was living in Toronto at the time) and during this trip I was told by a few people that I had to go see Vancouver photographer Jeff Wall's exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery. Sure, why not!? I walked out of the gallery in a complete stupor. What the hell was that load of crap?!? Was it me or were those photographs the most boring, unprovocative, cliche pieces of crap I have ever seen? And I mean EVER? I don't mean to disrespect high school students, but I'm certain that high school photography students can take more engaging photographs. Sure Wall's work is "technically" sound but it's the content in a photograph that means and says more than technical proficiency of a camera.

Take the following photographs for example. The top one, Jeff Wall shows us an Asian man being given the finger by a bearded fellow. Remember, Jeff Wall came up with this idea of racism all on his own using nothing but his mind and thought he'd better document it and get it down on film. So he hired actors and found a location and posed his actors and snapped off a number of pictures to capture this "harsh reality."

Then you have the following photograph (that I just stumbled upon while image searching for Jeff Wall's crap). THIS IS NOT A JEFF WALL but by a photographer named Michael Yon (I apologize to Mr. Yon for lumping him in with Jeff "schlock-artist" Wall. Who's the real photographer? Whose photograph says more and moves you more? I think it's quite clear. How much did Yon get paid for this photo? Not a million dollars, I'm sure.


Then back to chumpy Jeff Wall and a look at his "horrors of war":

It's entitled Dead Troops Talk and it was shot on an outdoor set with actors and make-up effects. The actors were photographed either individually or in their group and the Jeff "painstakingly" had to digitally compose them into one photo. Here's a detail:

Wall's work consists entirely of staged set-ups that have either been taken in his studio or on location using sets, actors, props and fx crews (if needed). Essentially, he's set up a little mini movie-set with actors and is taking one useless frame. Everything you see is rehearsed and staged and directed and it's done so terribly. The thing about his "art" is that it's huge (usually around 6'x6'), can take him up to a year to create (I don't understand how it can take him a year to capture 1 lame image) and somehow he's able to fetch about $1 million a piece!!!! In his 25-year career, he's taken about 130 terrible photographs. Let's look at how shitty his work is.

Yes, this one's called The Thinker.

OH NO!!! A Sudden gust of wind has just
about ruined everyone's day!

This piece, entitled Tattoos & Shadows, sold for a $1-million dollars.

While Jeff was crossing the Second Narrow's bridge he saw
some apartments overlooking the industrial area and thought
"I wonder what their view is like? I bet it's kinda sad. I'd better
stage a picture of their apartment, their life and their view."
Note the futon and chores. In Jeff's mind, this is hell.

Jeff personally likes this one a lot.

Bored kids in a kitchen. Sold for over $1-million.
Where will Jeff's imagination take us next?!

I wonder where these people are coming and going
with all their stuff?!? They're on an overpass.

I wonder what these people are talking about
and what they're doing? They're under an overpass.

This one's called Insomnia. Clearly this man is having a terrible
time with his insomnia. He's in a "kitchen" under a table.

Detail of the man's infliction. I really hope he's okay!!!
Oop. Right, he's an actor. He's fine. He's just pretending!
Jeff knows just how impossible it is to find a real
insomniac and get their permission to take a
photograph of them in their enviroment dealing with
their infliction. It's impossible. This is the only way
to show the world the horrors of insomnia.

Oh, Jeff. Your crazy imagination has captured
yet another outlandish predicament! I just can't
help feeling soooo sorry for this worker-man! I wonder
what the other worker in the back is thinking?! Don't
feel bad for the worker though because remember, he's
an actor!! Jeff knows that most tradesmen are too surly
to allow photographs of them so this is the only way for
the public to see what these factories are like on the inside.

So there you go. A smattering of work by the world-famous photograuteur Jeff Wall. God it's just really really terrible work. I can't believe this man is rich beyond compare because of this dog-pile! In truth, Jeff Wall is nothing but a glorified catalogue photographer who has somehow infiltrated the art world.